Party Report

So the sex toy party last night was a smashing success. Based on the amount of goodies I ordered (everyone needed a present!), a semi should pull up with my order by the end of the week or so.

My favorite part of the party, however, wasn't the party itself, but a phone call I received about it today from my 2-1/2 year old niece, Nora:

Nora (innocently): Hi KK! Mommy wants to know... how was your party?
KK (Me): It was great, Nora. Tell Mommy I got lots of toys.
Nora (screaming with excitement): Mommy, KK got lots of toys!
KK (Me): Tell Mommy they go "bzzzzzzzzz."
Nora: Mommy, they go "bzzzz—"
My brother-in-law (in the background): Okay, that's enough... take the phone away from her now!

Whoops

I was trying to go to rottentomatoes.com, but I accidentally mistyped it.

Instant Messages With Mom

Off to bed, but before I go, I want to share two instant message conversations that I recently had with my mom.

The first...

Mom: By the way, what does btw stand for?
Me: By the way

(I don't know... I just thought it was funny.)

And the second...

Mom: I'm so excited to go to Florida. I'm bringing my iPod with me!
Me: Good, make sure you charge it.
Mom: I have to charge it?

Ha ha ha... love her. I know I make fun of her computer skills on this blog, but I love her more than words can say.

Jimmy Belasco Soy Candles

So I bought a Jimmy Belasco soy candle in "Green Green Grass." It smells so delicious! Very springy, not too perfumey at all. Here's the description:

If you have been cooped up in the house all winter and the groundhog did not see its shadow... burn yourself one of these! This will take you back to laying on the grass while looking at a clear blue sky... this fragrance is one of our top sellers.

Here's a link to Jimmy Belasco's website. It's, like, the happiest website I've ever stumbled upon. You have to check it out.

Oh, yes... you can buy the candles on his website, too, but please note that they're $34 and I only paid $24.

UPDATE: Here's an article about Jimmy on CNN. I could love him. (Not in that way; I don't think he's on my team.)

Jimmy Belasco's philosophy is simple: "Be happy. Be happy at what you're doing, and if you're not happy then go home and get happy."

"This is our small piece of bringing peace on this Earth," says Belasco. "And if it's through a candle, if it's through a smile, if it's a gift from a loved one, and this just makes your day and lifts your soul -- we did it."

You lifted my soul today, Jimmy, by helping to make my apartment not smell like sheep! Thank you!

UPDATE 2: Omg, I love him more! Jimmy Belasco's new candle line benefits dogs in need.

UPDATE: Brooklyn locals... I bought it at Exit 9 on Smith St.

I'm Buying A Candle

I'm buying a candle. Right now. At this very moment.

I have a large wool rug that I got at Pottery Barn, and Elvis, being the perfect cat he is, peed on it recently. And then he peed on it again.

The thing cost like $800 so I wasn't going to just throw it away. (Despite Mark's insistence to "just throw it away!" He's so wasteful.) After attempting to clean it by myself (didn't work), I decided to splurge and get it professionally cleaned.

So now I have the rug back and while it doesn't smell like cat pee anymore, it smells like something else. I can't exactly describe it... but maybe it's wet wool? I don't know... all I know is that unless I open a window, my apartment smells like a herd of sheep.

So now I'm buying a candle. I'm very excited.

(Oh, and because I know someone will ask, no, he didn't pee on my comforter. That just needs to be cleaned. The only thing he peed on is the rug.)

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Want. Long. Legs.

Have short ones.

Down Comforter

Can I wash a down comforter in the washing machine? I know I have before, but for some reason I always thought I wasn't supposed to. There are no care instructions on the tag. (Damn manufacturer.)

Handbags - Part 2

So how coincidental is it that today's Daily Candy kids email (a must-read for all best aunties out there) is about a handbag?

Yes, it seems a company out there named Scribble Couture can customize a handbag with a design made by your little munchkin. Neat, isn't it?

So here's what I'm thinking... how amazing would the "rocket" that Nora made for me in school look on the side of a handbag?


Yes!

(No.)

Let's Talk Handbags

I want a new handbag for summer. I have a couple that I like, but I don't use them because they're shoulder bags and I find it irritating to carry shoulder bags. I want a cross-body or messenger bag, but I want it to look nicer than a bike messenger's bag.

So anyway, I found this cute one yesterday at Anthropologie, but tonight it's not available on their website and it makes me sad. I hope they didn't sell out of it. Here it is:


Another bag I like is this Linea Pelle bag. It's on sale right now for $232 (which is awesome), but the only color they have left is blue/black and I don't want a black bag.


I want it in brown:


I'm going to look for it on eBay.

My favorite handbag designer is Chloe but I'm not going to spend $1,500 on a bag. (I've come a long way, right?) Here are some current Chloe faves available on BlueFly. They're more rigid than than the ones I mentioned above, but I love the style:

If any of these came with a detachable strap so that I could wear it diagonally, they'd be perfect.

So anyway, now that you know what I like, please let me know if you have any suggestions. I'm kind of picky, but it's only because I know exactly what I want. (Which is always the case with being picky, right?) Here are my requirements:

1. It must be a cross-body bag, messenger bag, or have a detachable strap long enough so that I can hang it diagonally across my body.
2. Acceptable colors are brown, camel, cream, white, gray, or yellow. Maybe green.
3. I'd like it to be leather. Or suede. (Click here to see a pretty green suede one by 3.1 Phillip Lim available at Barneys. The strap isn't long enough and it's too expensive, though.)

Anyone, anyone?

My Marco

I snapped this picture of my friend Mark as we were chatting yesterday. I love it.

Idle Gossip

Love this vintage poster.

Supernanny

I'm watching Supernanny right now. If you're watching, you'll know what I'm taking about when I say that little Tina needs to be tied to her bed. (For the rest of you, I can't find a clip. But trust me... this kid needs an arse-whooping.)

Omg, I don't know what I would do if I had children like this.

Tulips!

Hey, New York... have no fear, spring has sprung.

Just Like Your Mom's Tupperware Party

My neighbor across the hall invited me to a sex toy party Friday night.

I find this more than a little coincidental considering my recent fascination with that Neutrogena pedicure thingy.

And you all thought I was joking about it being loud.

I accepted her invitation and asked if I could bring anything to the party, you know, like an hors d'oeuvre, bottle of wine, Duracell super-pack.

She said that wine would be nice. (But I'm going to bring the batteries, too, just in case.)

Happy Dyngus Day

So how much do I love it that my step-sister, Tracy just sent me the following email:

Hey Karyn... Today is Dyngus Day in Buffalo. It's a Polish/Buffalo celebration. Men go around hitting women with pussy willows to flirt with them. Sounds fun, huh? For some reason this seemed like something you'd appreciate.

Okay, first of all, Dyngus Day? It sounds like a mix between dingleberry and dufus—I love it!

Second of all, pussy willows?

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE PUSSY WILLOWS!

From Tracy's blog post today:

Every Easter, when my in-laws leave our house to return to Buffalo, they wish us a Happy Dyngus Day. I've asked my husband about Dyngus Day, and he gives me vague explanations of people hitting each other with pussy willows.

I mean, how fabulous is that? And yet, there's still more...

The annual celebration is held in Buffalo the Monday after Easter. On Dyngus Day, men and boys flirtatiously swat women and girls with pussy willows and squirt them with squirt guns.

Yep. Not only are there pussy willows-a-plenty, but people get wet, too.

Omg, I can't believe something like this exists. And I can't believe I'm not there.

Oh! And check this out from the official Dyngus Day Buffalo website:



Close-up:


Yes, "Brought Together By Dyngus, Couple Married During a Pussy Willow Filled Ceremony."

I can't tell you how happy this has made me. They need a Dyngus Day Queen. Does anyone know if they have one? I'm going to campaign for the position next year.

To thank Tracy for bringing Dyngus Day to our attention, please vote for her in this year's Pillsbury Bake-Off. You do remember she's a finalist, right? Yes, out of the tens of thousands of people who entered this year's contest, she's been chosen to be one of 100 finalists. The big contest is in April; here's a link to her recipe, Jalapeño Popper Cups.


They look good, don't they? And they are!

You have to register to vote, but it's the least you could do for the woman who has no doubt brightened your Monday.

Thank you, Tracy!

Employee Of The Month

I never thought I'd say something like this, but I just watched Employee of the Month (it was on Showtime; don't ask), and the funniest part of the movie was Andy Dick.

Yeah, I know.

My Vibrator

So I have this battery-operated Neutrogena MicroDermabrasion body thingy and it comes with a pedicure attachment, kind of like a pumice stone. I'm using it right now, and the thing makes so much noise and vibrates so loudly that I'm pretty sure the entire apartment building thinks I'm using some kind of turbo-charged, generator-powered vibrator.

I'm not.



The thing works, though. I can't feel my hand when I'm done using it, but it works.

Jesus Sighting

Jesus was in Brooklyn Friday. (Good Friday.) Luckily, I had my camera.

Golf On TV

When I was a little girl, my Dad would watch golf all the time on the weekends.

Nowadays, whenever it's on, I like to tune my TV to it. (Tune? What is this, the fifties?) Even though I don't watch it, I find the sound of it in the background really relaxing.

Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Mark Gone...

"Where has Mark been lately? He hasn't been online in days."

— My mom, on the phone today, curious as to everyone's whereabouts now that she has instant messenger

Happy Easter!

Since my dad was in town last week, we colored and hid Easter eggs with Nora and Jack then. It was so fun! Here are some photos:

The little chemist...



These stayed on Jack's head for maybe two seconds...



Looking for the Easter Bunny...



A note from the Easter Bunny. (I drew it. Yeah, you can say it... Best. Auntie. Ever.)



Nora's "golden egg" was filled with chocolate. She loves chocolate...



Hmm... it seems that Nora's not the only one interested in the eggs...



Hi Bev...



Nora didn't realize how fragile the eggs were...


It was so funny... Every time she found one, she would just throw it into her bag, like, "Plop!"

We ate them anyway.

The end!

PS - Nora and Jack's Easter bags were a present from CeeCee (grandma, my mom, long story behind the name.) They're from Williams-Sonoma. Since it's after Easter, they're now on sale for $8.99. You can get them personalized, too.

Out Of Body Experiences

Okay, this post might sound a little weird to you, but I've been having out-of-body experiences (OBE) a couple of times a week or so since I was about ten years old.

They usually happen when I'm over-tired, like right now, as a matter of fact. It's 3:49 AM and I haven't gone to bed yet even though I'm tired. Once I hit the mattress—like within five or ten minutes of lying down—I'll "fall asleep" quickly and then it will begin to happen. I put "fall asleep" in quotes because I won't actually fall asleep—my body will begin to feel paralyzed, like I can't move it, and then a spiritual body will sort of rise above my sleeping body. Like, there will be a floating body hovering above my real body.

Now, using the hand of my floating body, I can not only touch my sleeping body, but I can actually penetrate it. Like, as I try to touch my body, I can feel the energy of it and my hand just goes through it. So, this would mean that my floating body is a spirit of some kind, right? The same thing happens if I decide to float higher, which is something I can do, too. I can go through the ceiling and even the roof if I want. It hurts, though, as their energy walls seem to be denser than my body.

Yeah, I know. All of this is weird, but it's totally true. My mother and sister can verify it. When I was a little kid, I would usually "wake up" crying when it would happen, as it was really freaky to me. (Again, I put "wake up" in quotes because I'm not actually sleeping when it happens, but paralyzed.)

Nowadays, I've pretty much gotten used to it... except, of course, when my floating self meets and touches another floating person, which has been happening lately. The other night another floating person held my hand and it totally freaked me out.

The reason I'm telling you this is because I'm going to do more research on the subject. I know it happens to people because I read a book on it when I was a kid and there are more available now on Amazon. Also, there's a Wikipedia page on the subject describing exactly what happens to me.

If this happens to anyone who reads my blog, let me know, maybe we can swap stories

BTW, the Wikipedia page is classified under "paranormal," which I find worrisome. (Actually, no—this might mean I have powers! Don't mess with me!)

Okay, off to bed now! Off to float!

Snuppy The Afhgan Hound

I saw this picture on MSNBC and, at first, was like, "Oh, what a cute doggie," but then I read the caption and now I'm all freaked out.

"Snuppy the Afghan hound, the world's first dog cloned from adult cells by somatic nuclear cell transfer, barks during a photo shoot at Seoul National University's College of Veterinary Medicine."

Chatting With My Mom

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, you know, teaching her this stuff.

(Kidding, Mom. I love chatting with you. So does Mark.)

Nora's Art Project

My 2-1/2-year-old niece, Nora, made this for me in school:


It's a rocket.

No, really.

See?



(How fabulous is the yarn, btw? Thank God it's at the tip and not at the base. Of the rocket, that is.)

Peter Hedges

I just saw Peter Hedges. I heard he lived in my neighborhood but I've never actually seen him until today. He wrote the screenplays for some of my favorite movies including Pieces of April, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and About a Boy. I've had a mad crush on him for ages but I think he's married. (Dangit.)

Anyway, he was standing on a corner talking to two other people. One of them had a dog, and Beverly approached it and smelled its butt.

I live such a rock n' roll lifestyle.

Jonathan Adler Pillows

A few people asked about the pillows on my sofa.

They're Jonathan Adler. The design is called "Bargello," which is a type of Italian needlepoint.

I love Jonathan Adler. I previously wrote about his pottery, specifically a ceramic canister I have of his that says "Dolls" on it.

He also has a cool new collection of pottery that look like old apothecary jars. They say "love," "hate," "joy," and "anger" on them.



And, from the Interior Design section of his website, I love...

I Know My Kid's A Star

I just watched a promo for this show on VH1 and it looks soooooooo amazing.

Designer Luxury Rental In Queens

Designer luxury house rental in Queens.

Wow.

Keep Calm And Carry On

I found this cute poster on Etsy:

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

When I clicked on it, I totally thought it was going to credit Tim Gunn with the saying. Come to find out, it's a reproduction of a very popular British WWII poster.

Honest mix-up, right?

Via sfgirlbybay

At Last...

At last...


My old piece-of-sh*t-sofa is finally outside on the sidewalk where it belongs. I hate it more now than I did before and I hope someone pees on it tonight.

So, here's what happened. Kate got home from work and came up to my apartment, and then Sarah, her and I tried to "pivot, pivot" for a good five or ten minutes (that was for all the commenters of this post.) How I ever got it wedged in that space so tightly, I will never know, but the thing wouldn't move.

I was just about to call a professional to come over and saw the thing in half (or better yet, go out and buy a chainsaw of my own and do it myself) when we tried again, and, by God, we did it.

Now, I can't really explain how it happened, but *i think* Kate pulled down the top and I wiggled the middle and then Sarah got on the floor and pushed the bottom up with her feet... or maybe it was her hands... I'm not sure. All I know is that the sofa shifted and came loose and then Sarah flew across the room.

Poor thing. Sure hope she's okay.

She really was the hero, Sarah. It was her feet (or maybe her hands) that were the most effective in prying the sucker loose.

Kate, Sarah... LOTS of margaritas on me soon. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As for door frame...


Whoops.

And now.... a picture of the new sofa:


I still need to lay down the rug, paint (maybe a plumy brown?) and hang pictures... but I think it's looking good!

Sympathy From My Mom

I just got this instant message from my mom:

I don't mean to laugh, but that's the funniest picture I've ever seen on your blog. Maybe it's because I know you so well... I'm surprised you haven't taken a saw to it. If it makes you feel better, I would've done exactly the same thing and had exactly the same results.

Actually, the sofa there is a real conversation piece. Maybe you should leave it."

Ha ha... funny mom.

(BTW... yes, I said "instant message." Since computer class, she's like a regular member of the Geek Squad.)

This Is Sarah

This is Sarah.


Sarah is one of my neighbors.

I called her when she was on her way home from work, so she came over and tried to help me pry the sofa loose, but even two of us couldn't get the thing to budge. In the process, we broke an arm off of it, so we took a hammer the wooden frame hoping to break it, but we couldn't even make a dent in it.

Just as she was about to go downstairs and get a mini-saw-thing she had (I think that's the correct term for it), she realized she locked herself out of her apartment. Now the two of us are sitting on my new couch watching Ghost (I recorded it), waiting for Kate to come home.

Sofa Debacle 2008

"Omg, what have you done?"



A photo from my video chat with Mark regarding the sofa debacle of 2008.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Okay, I'm near tears right now.

My new sofa came and it's perfect. I love it. I couldn't be more happy with it.

Because I'm impatient, I needed to get my old sofa out of my apartment pronto. Rather than wait for someone to help me, I tried to move it myself because it's not that heavy. In the process, I wedged it in a very small doorway between my living room and kitchen.


It's totally in there, like I can't get it to budge an inch in either direction.

I don't know what to do. No one is home in my apartment building to help me.

I'm going to cry.