Bad Santa

My sister was watching the news yesterday with Nora and Jack within an earshot when the newscaster was like, "Santa has robbed a bank!"

Just as they showed this picture of Santa with a gun...



...Nora turned her head to see what was going on, but my sister changed the channel in time.

She never asked anything about it, but newscasters, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

Ho Ho Ho - Love, Bev

Happy Holidays, originally uploaded by Karyn Bosnak.

She was frozen like this for five minutes while I fiddled with the camera because the sweater was so tight. (It fit her when she was a puppy but hers get chubby.)

UPDATE: Someone's comment made me think I should've titled this photo, "Fat guy in a little coat..."

Dear MOMA

Dear MOMA,

This is not art.




It's the top of a yogurt container stuck to the wall.




Also, this?



It's a shoebox.

Well, Hello Everybody

Thank you for your emails asking where I've been! I haven't completely disappeared. I've been twatting it up over at Twitter and I've been really active on my Facebook page. But, those two things aren't this blog, I understand...

When you've been blogging for seven years sometimes you need a bit of a break, but I'll be returning full-time after the new year.

PS - In case you're wondering what's on the schedule for today, I'm going to see the Tim Burton exhibit at MOMA with fellow authors Sarah Grace McCandless and Blake Nelson.

But before I do, I need to remove my air conditioner from the window ALL BY MYSELF because the top window keeps falling down and then cold air comes rushing into my apartment because it's FREEZING outside. If I close both windows and lock them, the top one will stay up.



I know, I know... it's these kinds of riveting stories that keep people coming back.

Snow!

Toilet Stuff

I just went to a little gift shop down the street and asked the Korean lady who owns it if she had any Twilight stuff. I'm going to see New Moon tonight with my neighbors (dorks) and would totally buy us some "Team Edward" shirts to wear if they had them.

"Toilet stuff, no," she said.

"No, Twilight stuff," I said again, because she doesn't speak or understand English very well.

"Yes," she said, like she knew what I meant. And then she squatted like she was taking a dump. "I say toilet stuff, no!"

So I don't think she understood me?

Mosquito

I'm being tormented by a mosquito.

He's been in my apartment for two or three days now.

I saw him once in the bathroom and swatted at him and missed.

And then last night, I was sitting on the sofa and suddenly got three mosquito bites on my arm. And then today I got another on my leg.

So then I started to wonder, What if it's not a mosquito at all? What if I have bugs in my apartment? So I cleaned the entire place from top to bottom. It took me hours. And guess what? No bugs.

So now I'm sitting on a chair (I have to let the upholstery cleaner on the sofa dry), and about two minutes ago, a mosquito landed on my boob.

I swatted and missed.

F*ck.

Exclusive Book Excerpt

Exclusive excerpt from Rub My Belly (And Then Feed Me Cheese): The Beverly Bosnak Story:

Chapter Two

Bacon is good. Imitation bacon (i.e., Beggin' Strips) is just as good.

Beverly's Memoirs

Beverly is working on her memoirs.




She's not sure if she should call it I Love Cheese: The Beverly Bosnak Story or Rub My Belly (And Then Feed Me Cheese): The Beverly Bosnak Story.

I asked her if she needed help writing it but she told me to go away, that she needed her privacy.







Despite this, I took a peek at her manuscript when she was napping earlier and found this:

Chapter One

I love cheese. String cheese, American cheese, cottage cheese... nothing sends me to the kitchen faster than cheese. Except bacon.

Clearly it's going to be riveting.

Elvis

Sometimes Elvis sits and stares at these pictures for hours. I think he's watching me through the reflection. (Which is kind of creepy.)




Look how close he gets.




Cats are so weird.

Cutest Kids Ever

Nora is getting sooooo tall. She's 4-1/2 and comes up to my ribs.

Bev Can Do The Worm!

And Elvis does a killer helicopter. (Is that what it's called?)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Happy Tuesday

I found this in a drawer. I tore it out of a magazine some time ago.

The average woman smiles 62 times a day.
A man? Only eight.
Kids laugh around 400 times daily.
Grown-ups, just 15.
Smilers in school yearbooks are more likely to have successful careers and marriages than their poker-faced peers."

Smile and laugh today!

Whitney

Dad, I'm five and I've NEVER been in a limo."

—My friend Corey's five-year-old daughter Whitney, who's apparently been watching too much Hannah Montana

Here's her sweet little face:

Nora's Halloween Costume

So here's Nora in her Halloween costume. She's Pocahontas.




My sister also bought her a black wig in case she wanted to wear one. Here it is.

Brace yourself.





Isn't it hilarious? She's not wearing it; she doesn't like it.

Bev on the Beach

Old picture of Bev in the Hamptons that I never uploaded.

Halloween Without The Kiddies

I'm not going to my sister's house for Halloween this year because I still have a cough and don't want to get the kiddies sick. (I doubt I'm contagious but it's better to be safe.) I'm so sad that I'm not going to get to see Nora in her Pocahontas costume. (Jack won't wear one. My sister got him a dragon costume and he said, "I'm not a dragon. I'm Jack.") I'm seriously tearing up thinking about them trick-or-treating without me. I miss them. I love them. They are my babies. :(

Awesome Halloween Costume Idea

Headless bride costume via Craftzine...

Pretty Weimaraner

I'm going through old pics tonight and I found these that I took of a neighborhood dog.







I love Weimaraners!

Naomi

My friend Naomi! She and Mark are my very best friends.



I love these pictures because they capture her personality so very well.

Nora's Pink Hat

I knit this cute hat for Nora last winter.



I told my sister, "It's 100% wool. You have to wash it cold, dry flat. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she said.

"So what do you do again?" I asked, testing her. "Wash hot, tumble dry low?"

"No," she replied. "Wash cold, dry flat."

She got it.

A few months went by and she called me. "You know that hat you made Nora? Can I wash it in hot water?"

"No," I said. "Wash cold, dry flat—otherwise it will shrink. Why?"

Silence.

And now some photos:









Apparently some kid in Nora's class got lice so she freaked out and washed everything in hot water, but still... WASH COLD, DRY FLAT!

Now I have to make a new one.

PS - I took these photos in March but just rediscovered and uploaded them today.

PPS - Nora didn't get lice.

Flu

So I'm pretty sure I've had the swine flu. Or maybe it's just the regular flu. Whichever it is, it's lasted for 10 days and has sucked all the life out of me. I think I'm getting better, but I can't get rid of this terrible cough that's deep in my chest. And I still have rales when I breathe. They sound like Rice Kripsies and they freak my sister out. We were on the phone the other night and she said something that bothered me, so I exhaled really deeply into the phone until she screamed "Stop!" to get back at her.

I haven't gone to the doctor because my fever's gone and I thought I was on the mend, but if this chest thing doesn't go away in a couple days, I'm heading there.

Ugh.

The only good thing is that I've already had the flu this year and hopefully won't get it again!

UPDATE: I finally went to the doctor and I'm on antibiotics and Prednisone. Not too happy about the Prednisone, but it's only for 5 days. Thank you for your well-wishes!

Bev's Birthday

It's Beverly's birthday today! She's seven years old! She's getting to be such a big girl... I remember the day I got her.



We're going to Monster Mutt right now so she can get her annual bully stick. Here's pics from last year's journey.

More San Francisco

This time for my gay friends.

The Castro!



(Sadly, I didn't get to attend the tribute to Rue McClanahan.)


The rainbow flag!




The actual sewing machine that sewed the very first rainbow flag!

San Francisco

I went to San Francisco for a wedding this past weekend. I took some pictures!

Here are two fun tilt-shift ones I did!





And here are some of the Golden Gate Bridge:







It's Mark! It's Mark!

San Francisco is a beautiful city but it was reallllllly windy (is it always like that?) and oh, those hills... good for exercise, not so good when trying to hail a cab in heels.

I got the flu Saturday at the wedding. It was terrible. I started getting the chills and aching during the reception, and by the time I got back to my hotel that evening, I had a fever. I flew home early Sunday morning still sick, so yes, I was one of those germ-infested people on a plane who probably got everyone else sick. Sorry, but I wanted to get home to my bed. And besides, I think I got sick on the plane out there anyway, so what goes around comes around. (Which is exactly how the flu spreads.)

Updates on my Seattle trip will be coming soon, including how Laura and I almost died on a mountain, and how Beverly was torn between two lovers.

Chinatown in San Francisco

Modern Family

I watched the ABC sitcom Modern Family on my Virgin America flight from Seattle to San Francisco last week and I absolutely loved it.



I've never watched it because it's opposite Glee and I love Glee. I told Mark and David to watch, so they did, and they loved it too. It's fresh, quirky, and so, so funny.

You can watch the pilot on ABC.com—here's a link.

I'm going to record it tonight and watch it after Glee.

PS - Here's a cool pic that I took out the window of my Virgin America flight.

Should I Be Worried?

I painted my radiator a few months ago with this paint by Krylon:



When I bought it, I asked the guy at the hardware store if I could use it to paint a radiator and he said yes.

So anyway, my radiator just went on for the first time this season and my apartment smells funny. I'm sure it's because they haven't been on since last winter, but the paranoid freak inside me is now wondering about the paint.

I looked at the paint can and it doesn't say anything about whether or not you can use it on radiators, so I went to Krylon's website and saw that they have a special paint for radiators.




Now I'm even more paranoid that I didn't use that kind.

Should I be worried about this? I just don't want to be lying in bed one day and have my apartment explode. (I also don't want to die from inhaling fumes.)

Chocolate Toy Poodle

Toy Poodle Chocolate, originally uploaded by Yasuhiko Ito.

I want this dog.