Welcome to Miami

When someone wanted to get away in the seventies, they might've soaked in a warm bath with a capful of Calgon. Today, however, there are many more ways to relax, like hoping a plane to South Beach, for example.

Yes, to get away from the heat and humidity in NYC last week, I went to the even more hot and humid city of Miami Beach. Why? Well, a friend was there for business so I had a free hotel room on the beach, and I was hoping that a little sand, surf and sun would help melt some fat off my body.

But now I'm back. And (yes!) I'm five pounds lighter.

Kick. Butt.

You see, I travel quite a bit, but most of the time I do so for work-related things. Not to say that travling for work isn't fun, but a real, spontaneous getaway with no computer, cell phone, and BlackBerry was a long time coming.

I'd love to be able to tell you that my trip was wild and crazy, but it was pretty uneventful. My friend Mark and I stayed at The Sagamore, an all-suite hotel on the beach. For those of you who read Save Karyn, Mark is the same Mark from the book.

While Mark worked, I walked around South Beach sweating my arse off. When he was done working, the two of us walked around South Beach sweating our arses off. At night, we went out and sweated our arses off some more. Other than that, we did the usual—we went out to dinner (we hit up both Nobu & Ago—deeelish!), got massages, manicures and pedicures (well, at least I did), went shopping, etc. I bought two things on sale——the cotton kimono-style dress below at BCBG ($69——a steal!) and a sweater at Sisley ($29—even more of a steal!).

Here are some photos:


Mark's gay, so here he is sitting by the bed that we did not have sex in.

No, he's not posing, he's just normally gorgeous and is irritated because I'm taking too long getting ready. (Those are my flip flops in the bathroom.)


Here we are dining out.

Don't we make a cute couple?


Here we are dining out again.

Yes, we were both hittin' the sauce pretty heavily that evening. (And even then, I still couldn't get him to give me some lovin' when we got back to the hotel.)


Ladies, look at these eyes. Click on the pic, make it bigger.

No colored contacts there; they're the real thing.


Here I am trying to look sassy, but looking more like a _____. (Fill in the blank.)

Okay, so that's it. My boobies and I didn't fall off the Brooklyn Bridge, we were hanging around a gay and losing five pounds of water weight in South Florida.

Brooklyn Bridge & My Boobies

I was just out running errands and decided to walk back to Brooklyn instead of take the subway because it's such a beautiful day. I'm wearing a strapless bra but I just took it off because it was too hot. So anyway, I'm sporting a magnificent pair of headlights, but I don't really care because I will never see any of the people that I'm walking by again. That's a cool thing about New York - it's so damn big that you never have to worry about seeing the same people twice. And also, you see so many strange things here that a woman without a bra on really isn't that big a deal. (Unless of course you're a teenage boy who's just entered puberty, which if that's the case, you're welcome for the boner, you little pervs.)

Okay, so right now me and my nips have just passed under the big cement structure on the Manhattan side and are approaching the middle. I have nothing more to say now except...

DAMN... this is one beautiful city.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest - Runner-Up

I'm sorry for being MIA. I'm on a deadline with something that's due today. I'll give you details about it later.

In the meantime, I've received so many entries for the Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest, that I'm going to sprinkle a few runner-ups into the mix. The runner-ups don't get a signed book, but they do get a big thank-you from me for sending in their entry. Here's one to keep you tied over until I announce last week's and this week's winners. (Bad Karyn, falling behind. Bad!)

Nibbling Nick
by Danielle

After reading the nicknames you've given different guys you've dated, I was reminded of a story. When I was a junior in high school, I dated Nibbling Nick. Nick had a reputation for sleeping with a bunch of different girls, so I knew he had a few weird sexual fetishes, but for some reason I thought that I, a 17-year-old virgin, could handle them.

One night Nick and I were making out when he started nibbling my ear. At first it felt great, of course, but then not so much, as Nick began lightly nibbling my entire face, and then, out of nowhere, BIT me. Seriously, the guy BIT me. Not only that, but he did so so hard that he actually BROKE THE SKIN!

To this day, I still have a scar from Nick. Every morning when I apply my makeup and see it, instead of being angry I can't help but giggle as I remember the way I got it, and remember how freaked out I was that night.

FROM KARYN: War wounds from sex anyone? A friend of mine fractured a bone in her foot after falling off the bed during a wild night in the sack. In order to fix it, she had to visit a REALLY EXPENSIVE orthopedic surgeon who ended up performing a REALLY EXPENSIVE operation. To make it worse, as if spending a ridiculous amount of money fixing it wasn't bad enough, she had to spend two weeks in bed recuperating (unpaid, of course, seeing as though she had to take a leave of absence from work) and six weeks on crutches.

And oh yeah... she and the guy ended up breaking up, so it's not like he was worth it.

20 Times Press

NEW REVIEW AT THE TOP — Miu von Furstenberg from A Socialite's Life...

I don't mean to bombard you with posts about the new book, but it seems to be all that's going on in my life right now! (Well, that and I just learned that my mom was almost a Playboy Bunny. More on that later, though.)

While 20 Times is just getting out there in the US, it seems to be taking the UK by storm! My UK editor at Transworld said the book has been featuring in The Bookseller's "Heatseeker" Chart at around #5 for a couple of weeks now. Heatseekers are authors who haven't yet made it into the actual bestseller list.

To all the Brits reading this... I'll donate $1,000 to a much beloved UK charity if my book makes it onto the bestseller's list, so BUY THE BOOK PLEASE! And tell all your friends to BUY THE BOOK PLEASE, TOO! And then, when you're done buying the book, send me an email telling me what your favorite charity is.

And to my fellow Americans... (OMG, I totally just felt like the President when I typed that.) Are you going to let one of your own become a bestseller in the UK before here?!! It can't happen! (Totally kidding, of course it can—Brits, you go out and buy that book!—but you know what I mean.) Help a girl out and post the names of the most popular radio shows in your city so I can work it and get myself some American press.

Okay, to summarize...

"20 Times a Lady is the book of the summer! I devoured it from cover to cover while reminiscing about my own previous relationship hits and misses."
—Miu von Furstenberg from A Socialite's Life

"Don’t hate yourself in the morning for reading this book and liking it. It’s as irresistible as a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and goes down as easily. Laugh-out-loud encounters with old flames end in hilarious flameouts. The lively pace and outlandish story will keep readers hooked, but don’t skip the footnotes."
—Kaite Mediatore Stover for Booklist (US)

"A fast, funny and very enjoyable love story/road-trip novel. Whilst you may be able to predict how the book will end, you won't predict how Delilah gets there- and that's the mark of a good writer. The book speeds along, and there's a lot of surprises on the way to a happy ending. I loved the fact that the main character is a risk-taker, not afraid to seem stupid- and brave in sharing her feelings. And I frequently found myself snorting with laughter at her remarks!

After loving Save Karyn so much, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about a novel by the same author—would the same big, sunny personality come across in a work of fiction? I'm happy to say it does! Delilah seems heavily based on Karyn's own personality and I think that's why she 's so likeable. But as to how much the experiences (and experience) Delilah has is based on reality, I guess only Ms Bosnak will ever know for sure..."
—Diane Shipley for Transhionista (UK)

"Chick-lit with bells on!"
—Nottingham Evening Post (UK)


Named Twenty Times a Lady a "Glam Read." "Delilah always vowed never to sleep with more than 20 men. But now she's reached her target without finding Mr. Right, so she revisits her exes with hilarious results."
—British Glamour (UK)

"A comedy of errors, a real page-turner and so entertaining. In fact, it's like having a best friend you can totally relate to, and it almost feels as though you've been jolted into the reality of your past! Many women will identify with Delilah's crazed search, so I'm recommending this book to everyone!"
—Amanda Holden, celebrity bookworm who chose Twenty Times a Lady as the Book of the Month for Aero Book Club and New Woman magazine (UK)

"Sassy and fun, who doesn't love a good romp?"
—OK! magazine (UK)



"Making her fiction debut, Bosnak writes with a keen eye for comedy. Absolutely hilarious... [20 Times a Lady] deserves a place on all shelves."
—Library Journal (US)

"A positive message on taking risks and owning up to one's mistakes. Frequently funny... saucy chick-lit.""
—Kirkus Reviews (US)

"A zany American tale that takes you into the self-conscious world of a delusional young lady who has decided that 20 is the magic number for her."
—Western Daily Press (UK)

"In her younger days Delilah decided she would stop at her 20th sexual partner. Now 29, she is on No 19 and gets a big shock when she reads an article that tells her she has had almost double the amount of men as the average woman. With this depressing news Delilah decides to revisit her past "loves"–just to make sure she hasn't missed The One. But the question is, can you put a number on love?"
—The Sun (UK)

"When most people suddenly find themselves unemployed because of massive company layoffs, their first thought is to secure a new position ASAP. Not Delilah Darling. She instead sets off on a cross-country road trip... in an effort to locate all her past boyfriends, all in the name of not raising her already high number of lovers above a self-imposed limit.

Her theory is that if she has already slept with them, then it won't count if she hooks up and settles down with one of the best of the bunch for the rest of her life. Therefore, she would stop the clock at a "respectable" number, at least by New York Post sex-survey standards. The problem is, Delilah dated a number of real losers, and time and age have not remedied that fact.

The trip becomes a comedic mess as she vows to make the best of her second chances and to leave no stone unturned among the 20 former lovers. She will go to any length to make these "new" relationships work until she finally finds that love doesn't keep count and maybe relationships shouldn't be limited to just your number of fingers and toes."
—Tampa Tribune (US)

Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest Winner Delayed

Coming later today! Along with Chicago book signing recap and more!

PS - In case you're wondering, I'm late with everything I do, going all the way back to making credit card payments. I've tried to fix this flaw of mine, but it's essentially what brought me success, so I go with it now and try to do the best I can. Ha ha...

Seriously though, I read somewhere that people who are late are subconsciously trying to tell others that they're the ones who are in control of the situation at hand. I want you to know that this is in NO WAY the case with me, that my lateness is due to a complete lack of organization mixed with a little bit of ADD and a little bit of OCD. (The ADD and OCD are undiagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have both.) Hmmm... a similarity between myself and the main character of my new book, Delilah Darling. Don't be so sure what you're reading is fiction. Wink, wink.

PPS - One more thing... if you really like me, you'll accept my lateness flaw and flightiness and still continue to read my blog and books. After all, this kookiness helps when writing posts and books which is why I don't try to fix it.

PPPS - When my editor Alison reads the above post, she will probably forward it to everyone she works with at HarperCollins with a sarcastic (but loving) remark like, "Hmmm... Karyn's late with everything she does. You don't say..." (I turned in my book just a wee bit late.) Love you Ali Cali.

Confession: My Own PostSecret

To those who know and love PostSecret, I stumbled across a site where you can post your own anonymous secret without having to make an artsy little postcard. Here's a link. I found out about it from my blogging friend, Tales of a Southern Girl in the Windy City.

I posted the following secret on the site (so I guess it's not really a secret anymore), so I'm hoping you'll all fess up and post a secret of your own in the comments section of this post.

PS - I'm not proud of the following secret, but it feels good to get it off of my chest. Here goes...

My Taiwan-to-New York Flight Secret
by Karyn Bosnak

I once pretended to be asleep on a 19-hour plane ride from Taiwan to New York so I wouldn't have to share my row with an old lady whose row was full and seat wouldn't recline. I know this isn't a big secret or anything, but I still feel bad about it because the lady looked really uncomfortable crammed in her chair and I had a whole row to myself, all three seats. Throughout the flight, the woman kept getting up and walking past my row (I was spying from the corner of my eye), looking for an opportunity to ask me if she could come sit by me. When one didn't present itself, she shook my feet, hoping to wake me up, but I ignored her and "snored" more loudly.

While I was lying there in my seat row, I pretty much convinced myself that God was going to strike the plane down to teach me a lesson for being so selfish, but then I realized that he wouldn't do something like that to the old lady because I had just screwed her over, you know what I mean? Like imagine if you were her... not only did you get stuck with a shitty seat while a perfectly-abled young lady (me) got to spread out in three, but on top of that, your plane crashes. I mean, God would never do that to her; she seemed so nice.

The really screwed up thing about all this is that, in some strange way, I felt like the fact that I screwed over this woman ensured that the plane would arrive in New York safely. Like my selfish actions saved everyone on the flight. Crazy, I know.

The woman was eventually able to find a better seat, so I felt less guilty about what I had done, but still... it wasn't very nice.

Anyway, that's my secret. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I can't help but to wonder... if I were put in the same situation tomorrow, would I do it again?

What would you have done?

Chicago Book Signing Update 2

Hello everyone! I uploaded all of my pictures from the book signing (and then some!) to my laptop, but I can't get my laptop online while at my mom's house and I don't feel like trekking all the way to Starbucks right now to do so. (No offense - you know I love you all, but I don't like to drive.)

I fly back to New York tomorrow, so check back on Sunday for a full update. I don't want to gyp you on the update, and that will give me adequate time to write a good one.

Xx, Karyn

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Book Signing Update 1

Okay, so I'm slightly hung over right now and will give you an update about the book signing with pictures later today. Quickly though, it was great and I had so much fun!

Chicago Book Signing

***REMINDER***
***UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM***

I have a book signing TODAY in Chicago. Here are the details:

Who: Karyn Bosnak
What: Book Signing for 20 Times a Lady
Where: Barbara's Bookstore at Marshall Field's State Street, 111 North State Street, Lower Level, Chicago, IL
When: Wednesday, July 12, 2006 - Noon
Why: Because it's MY HOMETOWN!

BB's website says it's a "Book Signing Only," which I suppose means that I won't do a reading. (But I may sing and breakdance.)

Come, come! Please come!

Fun people who will be in attendance...

• My sister
  
• My beautiful niece Nora
• My mom, the almost-Playboy-Bunny (Funny story for tomorrow...)
• My best frend Naomi
• Naomi's daughters Sidney & Sam
• Paula, a fabulous family friend a fellow dog-lover
  
• My cousin Shelly who is due to give birth at any moment (Things could get exciting!)
• 
  My cousin Katie who was a cheerleader in college (MEN - She's tall, skinny, blonde, and SINGLE!)
• Corey, one of my very best friends
• Corey's beautiful daughter Whitney
• My Uncle Hank (After he read the back of the book he said, "Twenty? Sheesh... maybe by the time I finished high school." Ladies, he's 66 and SINGLE!)
• Brian, an old friend who took me to see The Color Purple
• Julie, a high school friend, former roommate, smart attorney, and loving mother of two beautful boys
  
• The FABULOUS girl Michelle who purchased my Gucci bucket purse during the SaveKaryn.com saga and then let me keep it (She will hopefully be there... she may have to go out of town)
• Jen Lancaster, author of Bitter is the New Black and smart gal behind Jennsylvania.com
• Cami, my blogging friend and soon-to-be bride
• Pearce, a college friend who was in the first book
• Ron, a college friend who promised to run through Marshall Field's naked screaming, "Karyn, I'm your number one fan!"
• If Ron doesn't do the above, I'm hoping my friend Mike will.
• And... NUKES! (On the cover of the book you'll see that one of the guys is named "Nukes." The real Nukes will be in attendance.)
• Joe, a friend from high school AND college, is really excited to be coming and might even wake up.

People who will NOT be making an appearance...

• Mike Ditka, I called him and was like, "Yo, bitch, you coming to my book signing today at Fields?" And he was like, "Who in the hell is this?" When I told him, he started swearing, said something like, "Yeah, in your dreams, pansy," and then hung up.
• Mayor Daley, see Mike Ditka conversation above
• Michael Jordan, see Mike Ditka conversation above
• Oprah Winfrey, see Mike Ditka conversation above

Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to publicize my friend's business... VIP Sports Marketing. Please give them your business!

I'm a Special, Special Girl

I want to put an image in your head...

I got my teeth cleaned this morning and had an itty bitty cavity that needed to be filled so I got a shot of novocaine in my mouth. (Note: My step-dad is a dentist so I therefore have impeccable oral hygiene and don't know how this happened.) Because of the novocaine, the left side of my mouth is droopy, and I've been speaking with a lisp and drooling. On top of this, I'm wearing an enormous pair of sneakers that look like orthopedic shoes and I keep tripping in them.

Now, I would never, ever, ever make fun of people who are mentally-challenged——I have a mentally-challenged person in my family and he's a better person than most people I know——but I seriously look like I have some kind of palsy.

But here's the thing: I think it's kind of cool. I find that the older I get, the more I embrace my shortcomings, so I don't mind looking like this. In fact, I hope my face stays like this for my book-signing in Chicago tomorrow. Can you imagine? Random people will walk by me and be like, "Gosh... what a gal! She's accomplished so much... considering her limitations and all." Yes! That would be cool...

Later, if you're lucky, I might even tell you about my lazy eye.

Love, Sex, & My Ex Winner - Week 5

Hate to Help
by Claire Adams Williams

In May of 2005, Claire, a travel writer, was sleeping in a hotel room in Beijing. She was wearing the t-shirt of a recently departed ex—a white and red Minnesota Math Masters t-shirt. It was soft, and was somewhat special to Him, and Claire liked sleeping in it.

Or so she thought.

In the middle of the night, Claire woke up sweating, and was confused as to why. Although Beijing is hot in May, it's not hot when the air conditioner in your room is set at 61 degrees. After ruling out early menopause as being the culprit, Claire began thinking more deeply about the ex and suddenly realized what was making her hot: it was His t-shirt. But it wasn't its thin cotton fabric that was stifling her. Indeed, it was the concept of wearing something of her ex-boyfriend's.

Claire got out of bed, removed the t-shirt and threw it on the floor. After putting on a cooler tank top—one with no negative associations attached to it whatsoever—Claire went back to bed and quickly fell asleep. The next morning, when she awoke well-rested, she evaluated what had happened the night before and quicly realized what she needed to do: she needed to get rid of the t-shirt. With that, Claire grabbed it from where it was still lying on the floor, walked outside, and gave it to a man with a messed-up leg who was begging outside a museum. It was then and there that the "HateToHelp Global Karma Project" began.

Since this one fateful day in May, Claire has given away every last thing that this particular boyfriend has ever given her to random needy and non-needy people around the world...

• She has packed bags of His old toiletry products and scouted the streets of Buenos Aires, searching for an appropriately unclean-looking beggar to pass them along to.
• She has healthily burned the loving inscriptions He wrote inside old books and left the rest of the usable reading material along the South African coast.
• She has thrown His old rings into the Indian Sea.
• She has graciously put His old stereo equipment in the "free" box of a garage sale in Mexico.

"Get rid of it to get over it," is what Claire believed.

Over time, as Claire's friends began finding out about her campaign, they began to talk... "She must be kind of crazy," they'd say behind her back. However, when they realized what was happening, that giving away an old ex's crap certainly wasn't hurting anyone, they began to laugh. "Heck," they started saying, "if doing this can make people feel better about exes and at the same time give needy people usable stuff, then it's not that bad of an idea."

Just as more people started finding out about Claire's HateToHelp Global Karma Project, Claire ran out of stuff from Him and began expanding. She went further back in time to other ex-boyfriends who had dumped her, and she got rid of their sh*t, too. She then started thinking of guys even she had dumped, and also got rid of their stuff. As this feng-shui-ing continued, Claire started giving away stuff that wasn't even from ex-boyfriends...

• She got rid of everything she didn't need.
• She got rid of other people's stuff they didn't need.
• She got rid of cupcakes she had made on a particularly boring day of writing.

In short, Claire took her own and other people's old negative-energy-ridden crap, crap from ex-boyfriends and ex-bosses, and found interesting people to give it to, people who could use it. By doing this, Claire turned pain and tears into blog-worthy anecdotes, and, at the same time, produced slightly better-dressed homeless people around the world.

Claire and her friend Lara are now traveling the world for a year in efforts to give the crap of bad exes (and yes, even some good exes) to people everywhere who need it more. They like to think of themselves as "karmic cleaners"... or at least two girls who are really just bored out of their minds as they travel the globe. Give Claire and Lara your stuff. Or just write them and say hi. They can help you get over that ex.

You can read more about the HateToHelp Global Karma Project at www.HateToHelp.blogspot.com.

You can visit them and learn about their travels at www.trippingonwords.blogspot.com.

You can also email them at HateToHelp@gmail.com. They'll be sure to respond—they really don't have anything better to do.

FROM KARYN: I stumbled upon Claire and Lara's website a few months ago and got sucked into it. If you've ever traveled the world or have gone to a foreign land with a friend, you'll be sure to love it as reading about their journies will bring back loads of memories.

The reason I chose Claire's story this week is because we all hang on to stuff from exes. Sometimes doing so is healthy and sometimes it's not. When you're done reading this, I challenge you to get rid of something that you've been holding on to, something that you know is an unhealthy attachment to an ex. Since I'm traveling right now and can't get rid of anything tangible, I'm going to delete a certain ex from my MySpace page, as well as take him off my IM list. It's hard to move on when you keep reminders around.

Tell me about what you've done in the comments section. Let's all move on together!

To My Gentlemen Readers

Or, to my lady readers with gentlemen friends...

While one would classify 20 Times a Lady as being "chick-lit," I've been hearing from others that men are enjoying the book as well, particularly the male perspective that's in it. With that said, if you've read the book and enjoyed it, please pass it along to some of your male friends and force them (preferably with a hefty pair of numchucks) to read it as well. If they do and if they like it too, please have them send me an email and tell me about it. I'd love to hear what they have to say about the subject of numbers, etc.

Traveling

I'm in Chicago right now, staying with at my mom's house, and I've been unable to connect my computer to the internet. Even worse, my BlackBerry works, but as a phone only, so I can't retrieve my emails because the signal isn't strong enough.

Oh, the suburbs... I feel helpless.

Anyway, I'm working on her s-l-o-w computer right now (dial-up, anyone?), but everything I need to upload and publish is on mine (like the week 5 winner of the Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest), so I'll be heading out to a Starbucks and logging on from there later today, so check back in a few hours. Sorry for the delay!

Lindsay Lohan

I had a dream last night that I kissed Lindsay Lohan, and now I have a mad girl-crush on her.

I've never been a big fan, but look at her over there...

<-----

...she's kinda fierce.