Chumley

Chumley sent Beverly an e-card for her birthday. It was very romantic.













I asked Bev about this "weekend in Chicago" and she doesn't know anything about it. Wishful thinking on Chumley's part, I think.

Beverly and Chumley

Beverly and Chumley video-chatted tonight. Chumley was complaining about his move to Seattle. He doesn't like it there.




After about five minutes, I looked away from the camera for a second and when I turned back around, Beverly was showing him her private parts.



I don't know where she learned this behavior from, but I told her it was unacceptable and scolded her.

Open Letter to Chumley

Dear Chumley,




I'm sorry to hear about your kidney disease, but requests for me to come over and massage your prostate are unacceptable. Your prostate has nothing to do with your kidney, Chumley. I may not have an education, but I'm no dummy.

Love, Beverly

An Open Letter To Laura

Dear Laura,

While I appreciate you telling me about the emails Beverly has been supposedly been sending your sex-addicted cat, Chumley, I think you're the one who needs to have a talk with your little baby and not the other way around.

Beverly is not a dirty girl and would never send those emails. Chumley is making them up. He stalks her. Did you know that? And he takes pictures of her in various states of undress. Like the bathtub picture. If I remember correctly, on that particular day, I caught him hiding in a tree outside our bathroom window, holding a paparazzi-style camera in his left hand and his private parts in his right. He took off running when I spotted him, but there's no doubt in my mind that it was him.

Also, if you want to talk emails, perhaps you should explain this one. Beverly was obviously embarrassed about receiving it, seeing as though I found it in the trash:

To: Beverly
From: Chumley
Re: My love for you

Dear Beverly,

My belly has been unusually fluffy lately. I shed all my winter fur and have sprouted a fresh and furry white coat. Here's a picture of it:

Don't pay attention to the woman holding me; my heart belongs to you and not her.

By the way, is it true that all dogs like bones? If so, I've got a big one for you.

Dreaming of your perky booty and nubby tail,
Chumley

When Cats Attack

My friend Laura's psycho cat Chumley:

My Friend Laura

Please meet my friend Laura. Laura and I went to high school together and also worked in Chicago together. I had dinner with her and her husband Tom while I was in LA but never posted about it because I looked like butt in all the pictures and I'm vain. Anyway, here she is with her husband, Tom:


Could they be a cuter couple?

I went through my photo album and found this picture of us back in the day.


(I'd prefer if you didn't leave comments about my TALL bangs and bushy eyebrows even though both are quite impressive.)

Laura has a dog named Wrigley and a cat named Chumley—both of whom have the hots for Beverly. Wrigley does a pretty good job of keeping his amorous feelings at bay, but Chumley's out of control. He calls Bev at all hours of the night and sends her dirty emails... it's crazy. I wouldn't worry much if Chumley were a normal cat, but he's not—he's psycho. In fact, he and Laura are going to be on the premiere episode of a new Animal Planet show called "Cat Calls" because he's so crazy. Here's a link to the promo for it.

Anyway, please stop by Laura's blog, Live Happy, and say hello to her.

COMING SOON... The Beverly and Chumley Love Letters