Mug Shots are the New Black?

Last week I watched a special on VH1 called the "40 Most Shocking Celebrity Mug Shots" and when it was over—call me crazy—I found myself wanting a mug shot of my very own. Everyone has one these days—they're kind of like the new black—and this Nicole Richie DUI arrest on Monday only fueled my desire.

Not only do I think mug shots are sexy, but the actual act of taking one seems kind of exciting, like a gamble. You only get one chance at making it good, so do you look up? Down? Do you smile? Cry? Do you appear remorseful? Innocent? Vulnerable? Menacing?

Decisions, decisions.

Personally I like mug shots that say, "Yeah, I got caught... but I had a damn good time." Like Kimora Lee Simmons', for example...

That bitch is happy.

I'm not so crazy about mug shots that say, "I shouldn't be in jail, I should be in a mental ward." Like Glen Campbell's...

That sh*t freaks me out.

I don't just want a mug shot—I think I deserve one. I've had two run-ins with the law in my lifetime* and pretty much got off both times—it's about time someone teaches me a lesson. Anyway, I'm hoping to have one by the end of the year. So to all the booking-hungry NYC cops out there, keep an eye out for me. I'm going to be living life on the edge in the coming weeks. In addition to plain ole jaywalking, I might jump lines at the subway, buy and use illegal drugs openly on the street, or peep into my neighbors' windows late at night. I'm also considering doing these other things, which have all resulted in a photo-op...

• Beating up an NBA star
• "Freeing incarcerated crustaceans"
• Disturbing the peace by playing bongos naked in my apartment
• Faking my own abduction
• Stapling my scrotum to my thigh in public (oh, wait - I don't have a scrotum. But I could staple someone else's scrotum to their thigh. Volunteers?)
• Running over some people

I'll keep you posted as to any progress I make. Peace out.

*The first run-in occurred when I was just 17 years old. My parents were out of town so I invited some friends over for beer and fun on a Slip 'N' Slide. The evening's festivities got a wee bit out of hand when a male friend began Slip 'N' Sliding naked. At the same time, the 10-year-old daughter of an uptight neighbor looked out the window, saw his penis flapping in the breeze, and began crying hysterically. Her mom called the police and I ended up getting a ticket for disorderly conduct because it was my party. Bitches. Both of them.

My court date was a big to-do in the neighborhood. The family attorney was called in, and other, more friendly neighbors came to defend me. After my sister swore to the judge that my male friend wasn't naked, but was wearing thin khaki shorts that, when wet, made him look like he was naked, the case was dismissed.

My mother was sure having a record for disorderly conduct would jeopardize my future, so she was relieved. Looking back now, sharing this story with others has helped me win friends through the years, not lose them. Anyway, my second run-in with the law occurred in college when I was caught for underage drinking. I got a ticket and had to pay a fine, the whole thing was pretty uneventful.

UPDATE: This post was linked to from A Socialite's Life and Gawker. Thanks guys!

Jennifer Aniston on Oprah

A friend just left a taping of Oprah. The guest was Jennifer Aniston. My friend was in a rush to get somewhere so I didn't get all the details. However, she said that Jennifer Aniston...

- is stunningly beautiful.
- denied having breast implants. (Was this a rumor? Shows you how up I am on celeb gossip.)
- confirmed that she and Vince Vaughn are still together.

UPDATE: This post has been linked to from A Socialite's Life, Just Jared, Popsugar, Glitterati, and Staralicious.

A gazillion other blogs/websites have also repeated this apparently titillating info, but they seem to be crediting the info and linking back to Just Jared. (Damn him. Stealing my thunder and hits.)

I have to laugh that I'm a source of celebrity gossip. I called my friend Naomi (who I wrote about in Save Karyn and who was the friend that went to the taping) and was like, "You're being called a celebrity insider." She's now making me call her "Deep Throat." Little does she know that I've been calling her that behind her back for years, but for a completely different reason. (I'm totally kidding; that was for Jamie.)

Oh, and to the people laughing that my friend said JA is beautiful... SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, jealous bitches!

20 Times Press

NEW REVIEW AT THE TOP — Miu von Furstenberg from A Socialite's Life...

I don't mean to bombard you with posts about the new book, but it seems to be all that's going on in my life right now! (Well, that and I just learned that my mom was almost a Playboy Bunny. More on that later, though.)

While 20 Times is just getting out there in the US, it seems to be taking the UK by storm! My UK editor at Transworld said the book has been featuring in The Bookseller's "Heatseeker" Chart at around #5 for a couple of weeks now. Heatseekers are authors who haven't yet made it into the actual bestseller list.

To all the Brits reading this... I'll donate $1,000 to a much beloved UK charity if my book makes it onto the bestseller's list, so BUY THE BOOK PLEASE! And tell all your friends to BUY THE BOOK PLEASE, TOO! And then, when you're done buying the book, send me an email telling me what your favorite charity is.

And to my fellow Americans... (OMG, I totally just felt like the President when I typed that.) Are you going to let one of your own become a bestseller in the UK before here?!! It can't happen! (Totally kidding, of course it can—Brits, you go out and buy that book!—but you know what I mean.) Help a girl out and post the names of the most popular radio shows in your city so I can work it and get myself some American press.

Okay, to summarize...

"20 Times a Lady is the book of the summer! I devoured it from cover to cover while reminiscing about my own previous relationship hits and misses."
—Miu von Furstenberg from A Socialite's Life

"Don’t hate yourself in the morning for reading this book and liking it. It’s as irresistible as a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and goes down as easily. Laugh-out-loud encounters with old flames end in hilarious flameouts. The lively pace and outlandish story will keep readers hooked, but don’t skip the footnotes."
—Kaite Mediatore Stover for Booklist (US)

"A fast, funny and very enjoyable love story/road-trip novel. Whilst you may be able to predict how the book will end, you won't predict how Delilah gets there- and that's the mark of a good writer. The book speeds along, and there's a lot of surprises on the way to a happy ending. I loved the fact that the main character is a risk-taker, not afraid to seem stupid- and brave in sharing her feelings. And I frequently found myself snorting with laughter at her remarks!

After loving Save Karyn so much, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about a novel by the same author—would the same big, sunny personality come across in a work of fiction? I'm happy to say it does! Delilah seems heavily based on Karyn's own personality and I think that's why she 's so likeable. But as to how much the experiences (and experience) Delilah has is based on reality, I guess only Ms Bosnak will ever know for sure..."
—Diane Shipley for Transhionista (UK)

"Chick-lit with bells on!"
—Nottingham Evening Post (UK)


Named Twenty Times a Lady a "Glam Read." "Delilah always vowed never to sleep with more than 20 men. But now she's reached her target without finding Mr. Right, so she revisits her exes with hilarious results."
—British Glamour (UK)

"A comedy of errors, a real page-turner and so entertaining. In fact, it's like having a best friend you can totally relate to, and it almost feels as though you've been jolted into the reality of your past! Many women will identify with Delilah's crazed search, so I'm recommending this book to everyone!"
—Amanda Holden, celebrity bookworm who chose Twenty Times a Lady as the Book of the Month for Aero Book Club and New Woman magazine (UK)

"Sassy and fun, who doesn't love a good romp?"
—OK! magazine (UK)



"Making her fiction debut, Bosnak writes with a keen eye for comedy. Absolutely hilarious... [20 Times a Lady] deserves a place on all shelves."
—Library Journal (US)

"A positive message on taking risks and owning up to one's mistakes. Frequently funny... saucy chick-lit.""
—Kirkus Reviews (US)

"A zany American tale that takes you into the self-conscious world of a delusional young lady who has decided that 20 is the magic number for her."
—Western Daily Press (UK)

"In her younger days Delilah decided she would stop at her 20th sexual partner. Now 29, she is on No 19 and gets a big shock when she reads an article that tells her she has had almost double the amount of men as the average woman. With this depressing news Delilah decides to revisit her past "loves"–just to make sure she hasn't missed The One. But the question is, can you put a number on love?"
—The Sun (UK)

"When most people suddenly find themselves unemployed because of massive company layoffs, their first thought is to secure a new position ASAP. Not Delilah Darling. She instead sets off on a cross-country road trip... in an effort to locate all her past boyfriends, all in the name of not raising her already high number of lovers above a self-imposed limit.

Her theory is that if she has already slept with them, then it won't count if she hooks up and settles down with one of the best of the bunch for the rest of her life. Therefore, she would stop the clock at a "respectable" number, at least by New York Post sex-survey standards. The problem is, Delilah dated a number of real losers, and time and age have not remedied that fact.

The trip becomes a comedic mess as she vows to make the best of her second chances and to leave no stone unturned among the 20 former lovers. She will go to any length to make these "new" relationships work until she finally finds that love doesn't keep count and maybe relationships shouldn't be limited to just your number of fingers and toes."
—Tampa Tribune (US)

Kanye West: Cult Member or Medium Vagina Conspirator?

So I was reading a friend's site, Glamazon Life, and I came across some pics she posted of Kanye West making some triangle thing with his hands. She suggested that he's trying to start a cult (after being influenced by Tom Cruise), but I think he's furthering Larry David's idea of the "big vagina" conspiracy theory and creating awareness of something called the "medium vagina." See the similarities?

By God, he's even got Tom Freston doing it.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, watch this:



What do you think of my theory?

UPDATE: This post was "Blog Dished" on A Socialite's Life. Thank you Miu von Furstenberg!

20 Times a Lady Reviews

STARRED REVIEW
"Making her fiction debut, Bosnak writes with a keen eye for comedy. Absolutely hilarious... [20 Times a Lady] deserves a place on all shelves." — Library Journal


"Don't hate yourself in the morning for reading this book and liking it. It's as irresistible as a pint of Ben & Jerry's and goes down as easily. Laugh-out-loud encounters with old flames end in hilarious flameouts. The lively pace and outlandish story will keep readers hooked..." — Booklist


"A positive message on taking risks and owning up to one's mistakes. Frequently funny... saucy chick-lit." — Kirkus Reviews


CHOSEN FOR THE SMART GIRLS' BOOK CLUB
"A well-executed first novel [and] an excellent read. Bosnak writes with a charming and original voice." — Chicago Sun-Times


"Chick-lit with bells on!" — Nottingham Evening Post (UK)


NAMED A "GLAM READ"
"Delilah always vowed never to sleep with more than twenty men. But now she's reached her target without finding Mr. Right, so she revisits her exes with hilarious results." — British Glamour


"Sassy and fun, who doesn't love a good romp?" — OK! (UK)


SELECTED AS THE BOOK OF THE MONTH FOR THE "AERO BOOK CLUB"
"A comedy of errors, a real page-turner and so entertaining. In fact, it's like having a best friend you can totally relate to, and it almost feels as though you've been jolted into the reality of your past! Many women will identify with Delilah's crazed search..." — Amanda Holden in New Woman (UK)

PART OF "THE RICHARD & JUDY BOOK CLUB" — "ONES TO WATCH"

"A zany American tale that takes you into the self-conscious world of a delusional young lady who has decided that 20 is the magic number for her." — Western Daily Press (UK)


"A comedic mess!" — Tampa Tribune


"20 Times a Lady is the book of the summer! I devoured it from cover to cover while reminiscing about my own previous relationship hits and misses." — A Socialite's Life


Read "Your Lays Are Numbered" in the New York Post


"A fast, funny and very enjoyable love story/road-trip novel. Whilst you may be able to predict how the book will end, you won't predict how Delilah gets there - and that's the mark of a good writer. The book speeds along, and there's a lot of surprises on the way to a happy ending. I loved the fact that the main character is a risk-taker, not afraid to seem stupid - and brave in sharing her feelings. And I frequently found myself snorting with laughter at her remarks!

After loving Save Karyn so much, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about a novel by the same author—would the same big, sunny personality come across in a work of fiction? I'm happy to say it does! Delilah seems heavily based on Karyn's own personality and I think that's why she's so likeable. But as to how much the experiences (and experience) Delilah has is based on reality, I guess only Ms Bosnak will ever know for sure..." — Trashionista


"In her younger days Delilah decided she would stop at her 20th sexual partner. Now 29, she is on No 19 and gets a big shock when she reads an article that tells her she has had almost double the amount of men as the average woman. With this depressing news Delilah decides to revisit her past "loves"–just to make sure she hasn't missed The One. But the question is, can you put a number on love?" — The Sun (UK)


Read "Down With the Count" in The Village Voice


"Karyn Bosnak guides her readers on this tour of past loves with a heaping dose of humor and heart. Bosnak proves her ability to create a fictional character every bit as endearing as she was able to make herself [in Save Karyn.]" — BookPage


"20 Times a Lady is a fabulous chick lit romantic comedy which will have you laughing out loud, wondering at the heroine's exploits and learning life lessons alongside. Written in great style, this tale will engage you in the heroine's plight, as well as provide you with great entertainment that is sure to find a permanent fixture on your keeper shelf.

20 Times a Lady is sure to tickle your funny bone! Whether or not you have found yourself in a situation like Delilah's, you are sure to love this hilarious tale and truly enjoy Delilah's exploits. The plot is solid, well written and fabulously paced. The characters are all brilliantly developed, with their own little quirks, talents and eww factors. Delilah's family is fabulous: close-knit, if a tad secretive, protective and focused on Daisy's (Delilah's sister's) wedding...

20 Times A Lady is a thoroughly enjoyable, hilarious romantic comedy that ought to be on your TBB list, for sure!" — Novelspot


"I flat out loved 20 Times a Lady. I enjoy a book that makes you laugh. Delilah Darling is flawed, realistic and believable as a character. You never feel sorry for her and you want her to find whatever it is she is searching for. She takes wild chances in life and is prepared to learn by her mistakes. There is lots of sex in the book, however it is not overt and does not detract from the storyline. But there is also romance and passion and people being doing dumb things for the sake of love. And although, the reader may have their suspicions about where Colin, the neighbor fits into the scheme of things, his effect on Delilah’s life is slowly brought into the book. I liked that in a book as I don’t want to know all the answers straight away.

The use of memos, message and footnotes that are liberally spread throughout the books pages were different and original. They were quirky asides into the life of Delilah and her friends and family. I could easily picture all the characters in the book and many reminded me of people I knew.

20 Times a Lady is not the traditional heart and flowers romance. It is real and raw and no punches are pulled. The message, to me, is that romance is not always perfect so why worry about looking for perfection. It is also a very funny book in the true chick lit genre. The ending was everything a good romance should represent. If you like a book that makes you laugh, that questions silly rules and that makes you smile at the end, then I believe this is the book for you." — Once Upon a Romance


"This is a hilariously funny story which every modern woman can appreciate as it simply hits all the right buttons. The characters are lovable, Delilah’s quest for the truth admirable, the constant flow of drama enough to keep one on edge, and the comedy thoroughly entertaining. Simply stated, Ms. Bosnak shines in her debut novel and I look forward to seeing her next one. A brilliant example of chick-lit at its finest!" — TCM Reviews


"Author Karyn Bosnak spins an amusing tale. Her writing involves the reader, keeping the pages turning and holding us on the edge of our seat about what mess Delilah will send her life into next. A fast read with some really funny bits..." — Books for a Buck


"This book made me laugh from the first paragraph to the last. I loved Delilah and her little dog, too. Her trek through her past loves makes a person realize that they should not look back, but that if they do they should do it without regret. However, if I had to look back, I would hope I could at least have someone half as funny to write about as her Mr. Wrongs, because Delilah had some stinkers. The author made the heroine realistic, not perfect. She made me laugh, cry, and want to smack her too, but I cheered when she got what I think she deserved in the end.

20 Times a Lady has one hundred times the laughs. I hope you will give it a try; I am so happy I did." — Coffee Time Romance


"This is a book that will have you laughing out loud. The author will have you turning the pages to find out what happens as Delilah begins her search for Mr. Right. This is a quick read and one that is very enjoyable so be sure to sit down and relax because you will be thoroughly entertained. Delilah is a quirky character but one that you will enjoy! Be sure to add this one to your reading list. It is a fun read!" — BestsellersWorld.com


"Hilarious and touching." — BookLoons


"20 Times a Lady is a laugh a minute chick lit that you'll simply adore. I loved it so much I told my daughter to read it. The format tips off the reader with phone calls to Delilah from her Mom. It's a clever way of introducing relationships without the characters actually speaking together. FYI: Delilah prefers it that way. Like every woman these days, Delilah has lists that act as therapy to get her true thoughts and feelings to surface, such as: she can't seem to focus on anything these days, she's jealous of her younger sister, Daisy (who is beautiful and has a to-die-for body) and her guilt is rising uncontrollably. Making this book interesting is the truth: that all men are different and, yes, they have their hang ups. They can be sensitive or insensitive. Pigs or too perfect and they can live for the moment and the hell with the consequences. That last truth has Delilah waking up and growing up. In the end, you don’t just settle for love, you have to fall in love.

Five out of five adorable little Yorkies!" — GottaWriteNetwork