Beverly's A Superstar

Last night I was out walking Beverly when my friend Sam called and asked me to meet him out for a drink. He was out with a writing group he belongs to, and a girl who's part of it is a big fan of the blog. I, of course, said yes and soon found myself sitting next to this nice girl (Natasia), listening to her gush about how much she loves Beverly.

Bev was still with me at the time, but she was in her bag (she's not allowed inside food establishments so I had to sneak her in), so while Natasia was able to see her and say hello, she wasn't really able to check her out.

At the end of the evening, when we were all safely outside, Bev jumped out her bag and, tail-a-waggin', walked around to greet everybody. Now, in her defense, she had just gotten a bath and was really fluffy, but it was so funny... Natasia took one look at her, cocked her head a bit and goes, "Oh, she looks like a little... sausage."



Oh, Beverly... my little porky Yorkie. Momma loves you and that's all that matters.

Bernie Mac

I started to write this post on Saturday, but didn't finish until now. I'm so sad Bernie Mac died. He was one of my favorite comedians/comedic actors EVER. Like, he and Will Ferrell were pretty much tied for first place. He never even had to open his mouth to make me laugh—his facial expressions said enough. I absolutely loved him.

This is totally weird and I don't mean any disrespect by telling you this story, but I think about him at least once a day and here's why:

I have a million nicknames for Beverly and Elvis, and there's always a strange story as to how I come up with them. Ever since Beverly was a puppy, I've called her "Mama's Pretty Puppy Girl"—"Pretty" for short. (Totally dorky, I know.) "Pretty" eventually turned into "Purdy," and then, one night while I was watching the movie Guess Who with Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher, "Purdy" turned into "Percy." It was the name of Bernie Mac's character in the movie and it sounded similar to "Purdy," so I just looked over at Beverly and said, "You're Percy!"

I call Beverly "Percy" all the time—you can ask any of my friends—and every time I do, I think of Bernie Mac for a split-second.

When people ask how I came up with the name and I tell them because it was the name of Bernie Mac's character in a movie, they always look at me funny and say something like, "And Beverly reminds you of Bernie Mac?"

No, Beverly does not remind me of Bernie Mac and Bernie Mac does not remind me of Beverly—it's just that "Percy" sounded like "Purdy." That's it.

So anyway, that's my story. I'm telling you this because I think if Bernie Mac ever heard it, he'd give me that look he gives so well, the one that says, "Crazy bitch..." and then mumble something under his breath.

Kind of like this look:





Or this one:




Goodbye, Bernie Mac... you will be sorely missed.

Beautiful Night

Bev and I just went for a long walk and it's so beautiful outside. It's 71 degrees and there's a nice breeze in the air. Love days/nights like this.

Open Letter to Chumley

Dear Chumley,




I'm sorry to hear about your kidney disease, but requests for me to come over and massage your prostate are unacceptable. Your prostate has nothing to do with your kidney, Chumley. I may not have an education, but I'm no dummy.

Love, Beverly

Holy Cesar Millan

Daddy is now friends with Beverly.



Yes.

Oink

More from the farm...

When I showed this one to Mark he said, "Oh, Beverly was there!"

The Most Perfect Day

Today is the most perfect day.



I'm on a road trip with my sister, brother-in-law, Nora, Jack, and Beverly, and we're on our way to Rochester, NY to visit our step-sister, Tracy, and her family for the weekend. Bev and I are sitting in the way back of a Ford Explorer and we're just having the most delightful time. I was dreading sitting back here, but I'm all sprawled out with my feet up in the air... I feel like a kid again.



Anywho, as for the perfect day... It's gorgeous outside. GORGEOUS. The sun is shining brightly but it's not too hot outside and there's a beautiful breeze in the air. And the sky... *swoon*... I've never seen a sky as lovely as the one today. It's so blue and filled with all these big, puffy, cotton-ball clouds... it's magical. I don't mean to sound all peace and love and I swear I'm not high, it's just really amazing. I've taken pictures; I'll upload them later.



Oh wow... someone just farted. My money's on Nora. Little tooter.



Okay, back to gazing out the window...





Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Look Who's Back!

Look who's back!





It's Sammy the squirrel!

I was so excited when I saw him this morning. He was sleeping in a little ball, but then he woke up because listen to what happened!

Another squirrel came along and I can't figure out if Sammy likes him or not. (This one is definitely a boy because I saw something that looked like a weenie on the lower part of his belly.)

He was hanging around on the fire escape for a while...




...and then he peeked his head inside the door and woke Sammy up.




Rather than invite him in, Sammy started squeaking and making noise—it was a regular squirrel showdown.




The second squirrel eventually backed off so now Sammy's sleeping again, but he's got one eye open watching out for this other guy.

So now I'm curious about squirrel behavior. Why didn't Sammy let the other guy share his bed? Are squirrels territorial? Or, do you think they know each other and maybe the other guy is watching out for Sammy while he gets a good nap in? Will they take turns? Will Sammy let the other dude get some shut-eye after he gets his?

So many questions and not nearly enough motivation to search for the answers on the internet.

You know what I just realized, though? This is how it begins. This is how seemingly normal people become crazy squirrel people. (Or crazy cat people.) You are witnessing what could be the beginning of the end for me.

UPDATE: Omg, the other squirrel walked on Sammy's side of the fire escape door and Sammy lunged forward and attacked him. They definitely aren't friends.

I'm so angry I didn't have my camera ready to capture it. I'm getting out the video camera.

UPDATE 2: Oh wow... These two have had like four more fights, but I can't get the video camera working fast enough when I realize it.

Laura asked what Beverly and Elvis have been doing this whole time, so I'll tell you: Beverly has been sleeping on the bed and Elvis has been humping a t-shirt of mine in the corner. They really know how to defend their turf.

Beverly Loves Me

Beverly french-kissed me this morning.

It was an accident.



She walked over to where I was lying on the bed, and just as I opened up my mouth to say, "Hi," she came at me with tongue.

It was wet and slippery. Especially against my teeth.

The Ole iPod Shuffle

I'm working at Starbucks right now and listening to my iPod. I have 4,391 songs on it and it's on shuffle, so anything can pop up. I'm going to list some of the songs—good and bad—as they do.

I'll update this list throughout the afternoon. The most recent songs will be at the bottom.

• Head Over Heels / The Go-Go's
• I Wanna Be With You / Mandy Moore - I love this song—does that make me a dork?
• You're The First, The Last, My Everything / Barry White - I dream of the day a man will sing this to me.
• Easier / Grizzly Bear - Such talented musicians.
• Circle / Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians - Reminds me of college. Particularly of a boy I dated named Ollie.
• Forever / Ben Harper - Love this song.
• Happy Valentine's Day / Outkast
• Love Is All Around / R.E.M. - I keep meaning to do a post about how much I love R.E.M. To save myself the trouble, my top five favorite R.E.M. songs are Strange Currencies, Belong, Let Me In, Nightswimming, You Are The Everything, and Find The River. (I know, that's six.)
• Come Pick me Up / Ryan Adams - I've written about my love for Mr. Adams on this blog before. This song is one of my top ten faves of his. (Sometimes I don't think "shuffle" is as random as we think.) I used to sing this to Nora when she would cry as a baby, except I'd change the words to, "Come pick me up, take me out, love me up, steal all my kisses."
• I Can / Nas - I wrote about this song on my old website! I know every word. (Again, I don't think "shuffle" is as random as we think.) The video makes me cry.
  
• La Boheme: Si, Mi Chiamo Mimi (Atto I) / Maria Callas
• Slide / The Goo Goo Dolls - What happened to these guys? Where did they go?
• She Will Be Loved / Maroon 5 - I couldn't listen to this song for a while because it reminded me of a painful time in my life. Every time it would come on, I'd go to the next song. It was a way I avoided dealing with the unpleasant feelings that came along with listening to it. But recently I started not hitting "next" on every song that did this to me. I know it's silly, but I feel a little bit stronger when each one ends. Like, I felt all those feelings music can conjure up—bad ones, in this case—and I survived.
• Forever Your Girl / Paula Abdul - I sing this song to Beverly sometimes. In fact, I'm thinking of making a music video for it with the two of us. (Elvis will sit in the background of it by himself with thought bubbles saying, "You two are so gay.") She's forever my girl and I'm forever her girl.
• Language of the Kiss / Indigo Girls - I love gay people. I know being gay is not as big of a deal today as it was in the past, but I still think it takes tremendous courage to come out and I admire those who do.

NOTE: Four more Ryan Adams songs have come on since "Come Pick Me Up." I listen to him all the time and the play count on his songs are high, which is why I don't think "shuffle" is as random as we think. I mean, out of 4,391 songs, five of the 30 or so songs I've listened to have been by Ryan Adams. Can anyone confirm my suspicions? How does "shuffle" work?

• Gloria / Laura Branigan - I need to tell my mom to download this song; she'd like it. When she got her iPod, she said she wanted to download songs that she can workout to. When I asked her what they were, she said, "The Rocky theme and that song from Flashdance."
• X.Y.U. / Smashing Pumpkins - Along with my gal Liz Phair, one of my favorite bands to come out of Chicago.
  
• Not Ready To Make Nice / Dixie Chicks - Omg, I just realized something: I'm a Dixie Chick. I mean, I ripped on Bush and lost blog readers because of it.

  "I'm not ready to make nice! I'm not ready to back down! I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round! It's too late to make it right and I probably wouldn't if I could. 'Cause I'm mad as hell and I can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should!"

(I want bangs now.)

• Together Again / Janet Jackson
• Leaving On A Jet Plane / Peter, Paul & Mary
• Blue Morning, Blue Day / Foreigner
• Wild Horses / Rolling Stones
• Hot Child In The City / Nick Gilder - I swear this song was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Can anyone confirm this? Because it's not on the soundtrack.
• Going Back To Cali / LL Cool J
• Better Dayz / 2Pac
  
• Secret Garden / Bruce Springsteen

  "I was just about to tell you that I love him. I do! I love him and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he used to be and I love him for the man he almost is. I love him, Laurel—I love him!" — Renee Zellweger in one of my favorite movies ever, Jerry Maguire
  

• Beautiful Loser / Bob Seger
• Memories Of You / Ryan Adams - This is a live recording of an unreleased song of his that's so amazing. (Oh, and note: At least four more Ryan Adams songs have come on since the last one, but I didn't list them.)
• Breathe Me / Sia - It's Sia! Sia!
• Step By Step (Junior Vasquez Mix) / Whitney Houston - Man... before she started smokin' crack, my gal Whitney sure could bring it. I have big hopes for her comeback album.
• Yele / Wyclef Jean - This is one of my favorite songs.
• Shake Your Groove Thing / Peaches & Herb - This is not one of my favorite songs.
• Hard to Starboard / James Horner/Sissel - From "Titanic." How do you not cry when you hear a song from this movie?

"It's been 84 years. I can still smell the fresh paint. The china had never been used. The sheets had never been slept in. Titanic was called the ship of dreams... and it was, it really was."


• I Want You To Want Me / Cheap Trick - I remember rollerskating to this song when I was little. (Another Chicago band.)
  
• New Shoes / Paolo Nutini - I think this song should start playing when you open a copy of Save Karyn, like a musical greeting card.
  

"Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything is right. I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling—it's so inviting. I'm short on money but long on time, slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine. And I'm running late but I don't need an excuse, 'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes."

• Desert Sunrise / Brett Dennen - I've been listening to him since 2004. I LOVE HIM.
• Paradise City / Guns N' Roses - This song makes me wanna give someone a lap dance.
  
• Run, Baby, Run / Sheryl Crow - I think the first Sheryl Crow album is still my favorite, especially with this song and "I Shall Believe."
  
• Brass in Pocket / The Pretenders - Whenever you are feeling down, you must listen to this song; it's one of my top ten favorites.
• I'll Close My Eyes / Dinah Shore - Sooooo romantic! From "The Bridges of Madison County" soundtrack.
  
• It Must Be Love / Rickie Lee Jones - Listen to the version of this song on the "Naked Songs" album. It's amazing.
  
• I Am Woman / Helen Reddy

Okay, I'm disenchanted with the whole iPod "shuffle" thing. I mean with all the Ryan Adams songs and then "Step By Step" and now "I Am Woman" (two songs I've listened to a million times and even wrote about in Save Karyn)? It's so obviously not random.

I'm done.

My Pets = My Family

I'm at my sister's house in Connecticut right now, soaking up the central-air-conditioned air. I ended up taking an eleven o'clock train here Sunday night after losing power in my apartment. I packed my bags and made my way down three flights of stairs in a pitch-black building carrying my dog, cat, and bag using only the light of my BlackBerry. I then walked to the subway in the middle of a lightening storm, positive I was going to get struck. But I didn't and I'm alive and so are my pets.

If I didn't have Elvis and Bev, I probably would've stayed in New York Sunday night. But it was supposed to be 97 degrees on Monday, and while I could've found an air-conditioned place for me to go to if my electricity still wasn't working, it would've been more difficult to find a place for me, Beverly and Elvis to go. I live on the fourth floor of a walk-up (the penthouse, baby!), and even when the AC is working, it gets hot up there in the summertime. There was no way I could've left my babies up there without air. My pets are my family; I'm responsible for their well-being.

I know the majority of people who read this blog are animal lovers who don't need me to tell them to take extra precautions when caring for their pets during record-breaking temperatures, but I'm going to do it anyway: TAKE EXTRA PRECAUTIONS WHEN CARING FOR YOUR PETS WHEN IT'S HOT OUTSIDE. They're domesticated animals and they can and will overheat just like you.

This message was paid for by the following panting animals:


My Hot Dog (And Cat) from Karyn Bosnak on Vimeo.

I know the above video is incredibly short and boring, but I just wanted to show off my lil babies.

And How Was Your Sunday?

I was one of the 1,500 people in Brooklyn who lost power:

Manhole fires in Brooklyn yesterday caused disruptions on five subway lines Sunday evening and cut power to up to 1,500 residents in Boerum Hill.

“Around 5:45 p.m., a manhole fire at Dean and Smith streets disabled power to signals on F and G lines, while nearby, at Bergen Street and Fourth Avenue, problems on the power lines cut electricity to signals on the Nos. 2, 3, and 4 lines. Subway service was shut down along section of the lines, mostly between Brooklyn and Manhattan, for more than an hour.”

No word on whether all power has been restored.

After I lost power, the temperature in my apartment started to rise. I thought 85 degrees was unbearable, but then it got to 86, then 87, then 88...

At 89, I grabbed Beverly and Elvis and hightailed it out of there.

Story in a few.

(Via Gowanus Lounge via amNY)

Monkeys In The News

I saw a cute picture on MSBNC of a grieving monkey in India who lost her baby and "adopted" a puppy. I wanted to link to it but couldn't for some reason, so I did a search on the ole Google and found it on a website called Monkeys In The News. So, of course, I'm now over the picture and instead obsessed with the fact that there's a website that covers only monkeys in the news and nothing else. I mean, how great is that? It's been around since 2004, too, and prior to that existed as a website called Monkey Day. That's some serious monkey love right there.

Anyway, here's the picture...



Isn't it sweet? I want a monkey. I mean, how fun would that be? You know how when I sometimes bring both Elvis and Beverly to my sister's house in Connecticut on the train and feel like Jack Hanna in the process because I'm traveling with a small zoo? Adding a monkey to that would make it so much better.

In Loving Memory

Uwe Anderson ~ 1996 - 2008




In Save Karyn, I briefly wrote about my old neighbors' dogs, Uwe (Ooh-vay) and Jazzy. Uwe, a big red Doberman and the sweetest thing ever to live, died this past weekend.

Sometimes, when my neighbors would go out of town, I'd dog-sit for them. At night, when I'd go to sleep, Uwe would hop in bed and sleep next to me. He wouldn't curl up at the bottom of the bed by my feet, but put his head on the pillow and sleep next to me long-ways, like a person. He wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed when his mommy and daddy were home (probably because there was no room), so it was his treat and our little secret.

Uwe was fascinated with Beverly when I got her. She was just a wee little thing, 2-1/2 pounds, and he would smell her and lick her... he was her first real boyfriend.

Goodbye, Uwe. You will be sorely missed and will always have a place in my heart. (And Beverly's.)

Home

This is the plane...



...that I would've taken a ride on had it not been so windy.

Such a disappointment.

My friends and I went to the Rhinebeck Aerodrome on Saturday, paid for a plane ride, walked out to the field, had our goggles and caps in hand... only to be told by the pilot that the wind had suddenly changed and it was now too windy to go up.

What was I to do, argue with the man?

:(

↑
Me, Saturday

Anyway... I just got home and now I have to take Beverly to the vet for her annual checkup, so I'll tell you more about my weekend later!

Cliquey Dogs

My mom has two Yorkies, Gracie and Ruby.

They're very cliquey, these two...

...and they always ignore Beverly when she comes to visit.

A few summer's ago when I was visiting my mom, I took a picture of them looking at me through a back window of her house.

At the time, I only noticed Gracie and Ruby on the left-hand side. It wasn't until I downloaded the picture that I saw my little fat Bev standing all by herself on the far right.

Do you see her?

Here's a close-up:

Isn't that the funniest/cutest thing ever?

She has such a sad look on her face, like, Mommy, please come back inside. Don't leave me in here alone with these two. You're my only friend.

I don't know why I shared this... I've just always loved this picture, I guess. It makes me laugh.

Beverly's Haircut

I gave Beverly a bath and haircut yesterday and it looks like she lost, like, 35 pounds.

I mean, seriously—look at her before and after pics:

Beverly before, as Pigpen:



Beverly after, as her new, svelte self:



BTW, she had denied this.

To Wrigley, From Beverly

Dear Wrigley,

Dream on, fat boy.

Love,
Beverly







PS - In addition to hitting the gym, you should give Hooked on Phonics a try, too. Youze dum.

An Open Letter To Laura

Dear Laura,

While I appreciate you telling me about the emails Beverly has been supposedly been sending your sex-addicted cat, Chumley, I think you're the one who needs to have a talk with your little baby and not the other way around.

Beverly is not a dirty girl and would never send those emails. Chumley is making them up. He stalks her. Did you know that? And he takes pictures of her in various states of undress. Like the bathtub picture. If I remember correctly, on that particular day, I caught him hiding in a tree outside our bathroom window, holding a paparazzi-style camera in his left hand and his private parts in his right. He took off running when I spotted him, but there's no doubt in my mind that it was him.

Also, if you want to talk emails, perhaps you should explain this one. Beverly was obviously embarrassed about receiving it, seeing as though I found it in the trash:

To: Beverly
From: Chumley
Re: My love for you

Dear Beverly,

My belly has been unusually fluffy lately. I shed all my winter fur and have sprouted a fresh and furry white coat. Here's a picture of it:

Don't pay attention to the woman holding me; my heart belongs to you and not her.

By the way, is it true that all dogs like bones? If so, I've got a big one for you.

Dreaming of your perky booty and nubby tail,
Chumley

Mother's Day

Imagine my surprise when I went to check my mailbox today and found a card inside from Beverly.


At first I was a bit confused because the postmark says "California" and, to the best of my knowledge, Beverly hasn't been there recently. But it's definitely her handwriting on the envelope, so I can only assume she made a secret trip there recently, perhaps while I was sleeping or something.

The card inside was definitely something she'd pick out:


She loves Yorkies because they look like her and she loves herself.

And she signed it using a special nickname I have for her, a nickname that Mark always makes fun of me for using:


I love you, Beverly... "Mommy's Little Button Head." Thank you for thinking of me on this special day.

PS - I'm only left to assume that Elvis is going to bake me a cake or something.

UPDATE: Laura, this was Beverly's reaction when I told her you called her a lazy-arse:


Obviously, she's pissed.