• “If ever there was a musical waiting to be written, it's Karyn Bosnak's tale...”
    — Los Angeles Times
  • “That endearing Holly Golightly of the digital age...”
    — Gawker
  • “An annoying twenty-something who needs to be sent to her room. Without supper. And pronto.”
    — Austin American-Statesman
  • “Sweet and sincere...”
    — Toronto Sun
  • “Almost pathological...”
    — The Times of London
  • “Smartly coiffed.”
    — Chicago Tribune
  • “The best reason yet to euthanize the Internet...”
    — The Orange County Register
  • “Utterly shameless...”
    — Detroit Free Press
  • “An undeniable success..."
    — The Associated Press
  • “Admits to owning such luxurious but questionable items as the 'Darrin's Dance Grooves' video.”
    — Rachel Sklar for The New York Times
  • “Sad but true...”
    — Daily Mirror
  • “A smashing success...”
    — BusinessWeek
  • “The everywoman... who you would want to hang out with, who you would want to be your friend.”
    — Janelle Brown for Salon.com
  • “Witty and amusing...”
    — Sunday Mirror
  • “Intriguing, in a scratch-your-head kind of way...”
    — The Charleston Gazette
  • “Jobless, broke and stuck with a queasy cat."
    — The Seattle Times
  • “Entrepreneurial...”
    — South China Morning Post
  • “Laugh-out loud funny...”
    — A Socialite's Life
  • “Chatty and chirpy... with an apartment on East 57th, a cat with a sensitive stomach, and a guilty little secret...”
    — The Independent on Sunday
  • “Professionally perky, easygoing, slightly gushy and, in a disarming way, winsome.”
    — Janelle Brown for Salon.com
  • “A small-town bubbly girl, a winsome lass...”
    — Los Angeles Times
  • “If there's one thing the broke former TV producer has, it's style.”
    — New York Daily News

Watch

My favorite videos:



Chicago Love

  • "No matter where you stand right now - on a hilltop, in a gutter, at a crossroads, in a rut - you need to give yourself the best you have to offer in this moment." — Oprah
  • "If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress." — Obama
  • In lieu of a quote...
    Let your game speak.
    Failure.
    Tell me. — Jordan
  • "If you have the opportunity to play this game of life, you need to appreciate every moment. A lot of people don't appreciate the moment until it's passed." — Kanye
  • "You know my old saying: live it up, the meter's running... If you don't have fun while you're here, then it's your fault. You only get to do this once." — Harry
  • "You're gonna be doin' alotta doobie rollin' when you're livin' in a van down by the river." — Matt Foley

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What I'm Reading Now

Michael lives in my neighborhood. I do not know him but I see him around all the time. This book (his first) was named one of the top 10 best books of 2007 by the NY Times Book Review. He also just won the Impac Dublin Literary Award.

What I Just Read

My rating:

(I need to cry for 5 stars.)

Janelle interviewed me eons ago for Salon.com. She's a sassy lady who's super nice. This is her first novel. It received rave reviews and I loved every minute of it.

Showing posts with label 20 Times a Lady. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 20 Times a Lady. Show all posts

Dec 5, 2008

I ♥ Anna Faris

Yay! I've been so excited about this but was waiting to say something until it was announced... Anna Faris is attached to star in the movie adaptation of 20 Times a Lady! Columbia Pictures is set to produce.



From Reuters/Hollywood Reporter...

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Capitalizing on her "House Bunny" hit, Anna Faris has set up two romantic comedy projects.

Paramount has picked up an untitled pitch about two estranged sisters who team up to land a husband. Faris would both star and serve as an executive producer.

Additionally, Columbia has acquired "20 Times a Lady" as a starring vehicle for Faris. The project, based on a book by Karyn Bosnak, centers on a woman who goes on a trek through her sexual past in an effort to find Mr. Right, exploring the idea of a person's sexual quota and whether those numbers matter.


I love Anna Faris! She's a great actress with amazing comedic timing and she's perfect for the role. Oh, and she's hot, too. I mean, let's be honest... babe's got it going on.

Anywho, the current script was written by Jennifer Crittenden and Gabrielle Allan and is absolutely hilarious. I wrote a first draft of it, but I had some issues stepping outside of the book and getting an objective look at it, so they bought in these two lovely ladies and it couldn't have turned out better.

So cross your fingers that everything runs smoothly from here on out and rent THE HOUSE BUNNY now!


UPDATE: Ooh... more articles!

New York Magazine: Anna Faris Gets Two More Chances to Outshine Her Material

Radar Online: House Bunny Scores

Empire: Anna Faris Lines Up Two New Comedies

MSN's Hollywood Hitlist: Casting News: Faris '20 Times a Lady’

MTV Blog: Anna Faris Is ‘20 Times A Lady,’ Preps Buddy Comedy For Adam Sandler

The New York Observor: Karyn Saved Again! Anna Faris to Star in Movie From 'World's Most Successful Internet Panhandler'

JoBlo.com: Faris Sets Up Next

Powell's Books Blog: Read It Before They Screen It: The Ten Best Days of My Life and 20 Times a Lady

BuzzSugar: Anna Faris Gets More Roles — Yay!

The Moving Picture: Two New Flicks for Anna Faris

Zap2it: Anna Faris Goes for Two

After Ellen: Anna Faris Lines Up Two New Comedies

MovieWeb: Anna Faris Is 20 Times a Lady

Comedy Central: Anna Faris will be once, twice, 20 Times a Lady

Screening Log.com: Anna Faris picks two new projects

The Guardian: Anna Faris parlays House Bunny success into two lead roles

CinemaBlend: Anna Faris Is Still A Funny Lady

Sep 19, 2007

Angie's Magic Number Is 4

Saint Angie just told Cosmo that her magic number is 4. I wouldn't really care about this except for the fact that I wrote a book about numbers.

I love it when sexpot celebrities share their numbers with the press. (Another example, Paris Hilton.) I mean, are reporters asking about this? I can't imagine anyone saying, "So tell me... how many men have you slept with?" Why are these ladies volunteering the information?

What I'd really kill for is for someone to come out and say they've slept with like thirty dudes. That'd be fabulous.

Anyway, back to Angie... Rather than quoting the original story source here, I'm going to quote Michael K. from Dlisted because he's so. damn. funny.

Angelina Jolie told Cosmopolitan that she's only fucked 4 dudes in her entire life and married two of them. The 4 dudes are Brad Pitt, Billy Bob Thornton, Johnny Lee Miller and some other dude. I'm guessing her brother.

It's okay to stretch the truth a little, but 4?!!!! We all know that vagina has been around.
PS - I have a love/hate relationship with most gossip websites, but Dlisted is hilarious and Michael K. posts more than just gossip so I don't feel so guilty reading it. If you don't read Dlisted, check it out!

Aug 2, 2007

20 Times a Lady Dutch - New Cover

I got an email from the artist who did the cover of the pocket edition of the Dutch version of Save Karyn. (The pocket edition is like the small paperbacks that you see at the grocery store and stuff.) She said that the publisher told her that, of all their pocket books, Save Karyn is the best-selling. (How is it that I'm left out of the loop and not told about things like this?)

Anyway, the artist's name is Ingrid Bockting, and she just did the cover for the pocket edition of the Dutch version of 20 Times a Lady too, or as it's called over there, Nummer Twintig. It's so pretty. Beverly, my Yorkie—I mean, Eva, the Yorkie in the book, made the cover. Yay! Thank you, Ingrid!

To check out more of Ingrid's work, please visit her Flickr page or website.

PS - If you are Dutch and you like chicklit, then you must check out ChickLit.nl. It's the greatest website and the girl who runs it is very nice.

Jul 30, 2007

One Of These Things Is Just Like The Other...

Someone sent me the link to this book, Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, saying the cover looks just like 20 Times a Lady.


Ha ha—it does! They both have the same notebook background, font, and pink and yellow accent colors. (The blue along the right side of mine is actually part of a map on the next page.) I think that font is popular right now with book covers because I was at the book store this weekend and kept seeing it everywhere.

Anyway, has anyone read this book? It looks good. The author, Lisa Delaney, is an editor at Health magazine. From her website:

Once upon a time I was a fat girl...

I thought like a fat girl, acted like a fat girl—oh yeah, and I looked like one, too. But not any more. Through trial and error (lots of error!), I dropped 70 pounds and said good bye to the fat-girl image I had of myself. For almost 20 years now, I’ve been living like the powerful, confident, worthy woman I always was inside. And I’m ready to share my secrets with you. All the advice, information, inspiration, and motivation you need is just a click or two away!"

Hmmm... I may have to check this out. I just started a diet yesterday.

Apr 19, 2007

The Truth About "Nut Brackets" by Alexyss K. Tylor

NOTE: The following post contains sexually explicit content.

I got my hot little hands on a SECOND Alexyss K. Tylor video clip and had to share it with you. This one is a special Halloween episode. In it, Alexyss discusses Vagina Power and Penis Power with her mother, and is dressed up as a pilot because she's "piloting the pussssssyy!" Meow!



Lessons learned from this episode:
  • Y'all got to be the pussy police, because if y'all don't be careful these men you are committing to is giving the dick away that's got to go up in your vagina.
  • A lot of men done took the wedding band off the finger because they know the wedding band is gonna be a noose around the nuts, a true "nut bracket" to lock them in and keep them in check so they don't give it to nobody else.
  • The penis and the testicles have no discretion because the pussy ain't got no face.
  • Men give dick away.
  • A lot of men try to meet up with other women to ration a piece of the dick out.
  • Government-rationed cheese is good but hard. It constipates and run up all in you and locks your bowels up.
  • Men got to keep their nuts busy.
  • Men get a "tingling" all in their nuts when their nuts bored.
Scroll down or click here to see the first Alexyss K. Tylor Pussy Power video.

Alexyss' show, "Pussy Power," is on Atlanta Public Access TV9 at 9pm on Wednesdays.

Apr 17, 2007

"Earn Your Man, Learn Your Man" - Wise Advice from Alexyss K. Tylor

NOTE: The following post contains sexually explicit content.

Profound advice from Alexyss K. Tylor, author, lecturer, motivation speaker, TV host, "vagina power" expert.



Lessons I learned from Alexyss:

  • If you really want to earn your man, you need to learn your man.
  • There's nothing wrong with liking a flashy man.
  • Some women are hooked on coming.
  • Some men have so much heat and intensity in their penis, you can feel it radiate through their clothes. It feels like fire underneath their skin.
  • Shrimp dinner at Long John Silver's cost $2.99.
  • Men who offer you "a side of penis" don't respect you.
  • Don't let every man hit the bottom of your vagina and work that middle.
  • Some women's mind ain't good because the penis done ejaculate all in her brain.
  • Some men screw women into submission - i.e. "slavery" - by using the penis as a weapon to break her arse down.
  • When you're wide open with a penis all up in your vagina, you don't have no defenses.
  • The worst thing that can happen is when a man, while he's thrusting the penis in and out, says, "Whose is it? Whose vagina is it? Who it belong to? Now, wha- wha- what I say? Who? Who?"
  • Don't let every man spank your bottom and talk to you all kind of ways.

Visit Alexyss on MySpace. Her theme song is fabulous.



Alexyss' show, "Pussy Power," is on Atlanta Public Access TV9 at 9pm on Wednesdays.

Mar 20, 2007

VH1's 40 Greatest Internet Superstars - This Friday

Web Junk Presents 40 Greatest Internet Superstars" premieres this Friday, March 23rd at 8 PM! Based on this, I'm #30, so tune in and watch!

Here's a clip of my segment:



And here's a clip of another segment I'm in:

Thank You, Jesus

For everyone who read 20 Times a Lady... Catholic priests can be hot, see?


Calendario Romano features 12 months of devastatingly attractive, young Italian priests. The 2007 calendar is sold out, but you can sign up to receive an alert when the 2008 one is available.

Mar 12, 2007

VH1's 40 Greatest Internet Superstars - New Air Date

NEW AIR DATE: March 23rd at 8 PM
TUNE IN!!!!

This is the VH1 thing I was telling you about! Vote for me please! I'm about half-way down the page.
VH1 is counting down the 40 Greatest Internet Superstars and we need your votes to determine the list. From the Chinese Backstreet Boys to the Numa Numa kid, it's a who's who of web fame and infamy. Vote now for your favorite. You can only vote for one person at a time. But you can vote as many times as you like. Don't forget to scroll all the way down.

"Web Junk Presents 40 Greatest Internet Superstars" premieres Friday, March 23rd at 8 PM.

Mar 2, 2007

Support Your Independent Bookseller

This is a shout-out to BESTSELLERS Bookstore & Coffee Co. in Mason, Michigan. They're an independent bookstore that sells books and coffee, and they happen to carry my book.

Thank you, Bestsellers!

And now, a note...

Please support your local independent bookseller! I support the independent bookseller in my neighborhood... BookCourt on Court Street in Brooklyn. -->

Thank you, BookCourt, for being wonderful. (Even though you don't carry my books.)

I s'pose this might be partly my fault, though, because I've never said, "Hey, I live right around the corner... will you carry my books?" Because then what if they get the books, and what if no one buys the books? I mean, how embarrassing would that be for me? And then they'd feel weird when I visit, too, like... "Do we tell her that no one's buying her books?"

I'd go in there today and ask but I feel like the whole thing is a ship that's passed. They'd look up 20 Times, see that it came out in July, and be like, "You've been in here a thousand times since then, why haven't you asked us to do this before, silly?" And then I'd grumble and be like, "Well, I wasn't sure..." and I'd come across sounding like as a total loser, WHICH I AM because I haven't asked my local bookseller, OF WHICH I'M A REGULAR CUSTOMER, to stock my books.

Sh*t. When did I become so neurotic?

Now, wait, wait, wait—I'm forgetting to mention a couple of things. 1) They did carry Save Karyn when it came out; they just don't anymore. 2) I was under the impression that they were gonna carry 20 Times because I befriended a guy who worked there and he said he was gonna order it. But then he quit or got fired or something, and I looked and looked when the book came out and I couldn't find it. I think it was that small detail that made the whole "me asking" thing a little awkward. Like, was 20 Times on order and did they cancel it because the fired guy ordered it?

F*ck it. I'm gonna go in there this weekend and ask.

Do you work at an indie bookstore that carries my book? If so, let me know! And thank you!

Dec 14, 2006

Stuff Your Stockings wth 20 Times a Lady!


Buy it now at Barnes & Noble and save 10%!

ONLINE SHOPPERS: Enter coupon code L3K6X6B at checkout.
(Note: If you're buying other stuff, the 10% discount is good for one item only and will be applied to the highest priced item in your cart.)

IN-STORE SHOPPERS: Click here to print out your coupon.



And look what the nice reviewers at B&N have to say...

Amber, A reviewer, 11/19/2006 Customer Rating for this product is 4 out of 5

Couldn't put it down
This book was recommended to me right before I went on a trip. I started it on the plane and I didn't want to put it down! It was one of those mindless and funny books that are so fun to read when you just want to zone out from all the madness of life. It was so fun to read about all the ex's and hilarious how a few of them reminded me of similar mistakes of my past. I loved the ending also. It was a very fun read.


Loretta, A reviewer, 07/07/2006 Customer Rating for this product is 5 out of 5
Hilarious, fun-filled, thought-provoking
WOW! In her first attempt at fiction Karyn Bosnak hits a home run. This book made me laugh out loud, cry and everything in between as I embarked on the wild cross-country trip of ex's with the books leading lady: Delilah. Whether it's the shoot-from-the-hip friend Michelle, her nagging mother or any of her past boyfriends, you're sure to find yourself in her shoes and in her head as you journey through this pageturner. Bosnak's writing style is quirky, fast-paced, easy to read and makes you feel like the most 'normal' person on earth. Don't miss a page of this sure to be best seller.


Nov 15, 2006

Video Post - Story Time

I'm finishing up a project right now, and when it's done, I'll post a new video post!

Nov 9, 2006

Story Time

I'm pretty sure I'll never have another date again because of this, but regardless, I hope you enjoy...

Nov 3, 2006

The Jay Thomas Show

I'm going to be a guest on "The Jay Thomas Show" on Sirius Satellite Radio (Stars Channel 102) this coming Tuesday at 2:30pm EST. I'm totally excited, so if you have Sirius, tune in!

About Jay Thomas...
Two-time Emmy award winner Jay Thomas has been a staple in show business for over 25 years. He got his start on the sitcom Mork & Mindy before moving to more prominent roles in Cheers (as Eddie LeBec) and Murphy Brown (as Jerry Gold). More recently, Jay starred opposite Richard Dreyfus in the critically acclaimed Mr. Holland’s Opus. Jay brings his self-proclaimed “natural sarcasm” with him every day on the air on SIRIUS.

About Stars Channel 102...
The SIRIUS Stars Channel is SIRIUS' flagship talk station featuring unique and diverse programs, including a lighthearted look at the day with Jay Thomas, podcaster Adam Curry's PodShow, workout guru Richard Simmons, American Voices with Bill Bradley, rock critic Dave Marsh, no-holds-barred politics with Mojo Nixon and unique perspectives from publisher Judith Regan, author Candace Bushnell, and NFL All-Pro Tiki Barber... all on one great radio station, and all available only on SIRIUS.

I don't know about you, but I freakin' loved Murphy Brown and I can't wait.

Nov 2, 2006

What's YOUR number?

I did an interview this morning with Johny D & The Morning Crew from Tower 98-3 in Toledo, Ohio. We talked a little bit about savekaryn.com, and then about the new book and "numbers," and whether or not "20" is high for a woman. I thought about this before I wrote the book. You see, in New York, where people stay single longer, I think it's pretty common for a woman to sleep with twenty men. But in the rest of the country, I'm not so sure.

So, I have two questions for you...

1) Would you consider a woman who's number is "20" a slut? Like men, if you were dating someone and she told you she slept with nineteen other guys before you, would you be like, "Man, girl gets around..." Or would you not think twice about it?

2) What's your number? I've never really asked.

<---- Polls are to the left. For the first question, I'm not giving you a "maybe" answer choice, because that's just an easy way out. And don't tell me what you want to think, tell me what you really thing. Like maybe you don't want to think "20" is high, but you can't help the fact that you do. Or maybe you don't give a crap about it and feel guilty, because you should care, right? What really goes through your mind?

As for the "What's your number?" poll, I made two: a pink one for women to take, and a blue one for men.


To leave on a funny note, I used to talk about spending too much money during interviews, now I just talk about sex. With that, I've discovered a new motto, one aimed toward men who might be considering asking me out...

"Gentlemen... I might spend all your money, but at least I put out." ;)

Oct 27, 2006

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

I did a radio interview this morning with Rick & Brad from KATT-FM 100.5 FM in Oklahoma City. They were cool. We talked about the NY Post article, particularly the reasons women gave for knocking a few men off their "number"...

EXCUSES NOT TO ADD HIM TO 'THE NUMBER'

  • If he yells out another woman's name
  • If one or both of you ends up gently weeping
  • If he might be gay
  • If he took you out for a vegan meal first
  • If you're drunk, or you could have been drunk had you been drinking
  • If you just gave up smoking
  • If you just gave up having meaningless one-night stands
  • If it's Tuesday
  • If he's small
  • If he's small-minded
  • If he's Jared Leto
They asked me what the best excuse I heard while doing research was, and I drew a blank. I guess the most common excuse was, "It was barely in, so it doesn't count," which is total bull, because it's either in or it's out--you know what I mean? So anyway, while this might be the most common, I don't know if I'd say it's the best excuse.

So help me out, aside from the above, what are some excuses you've used to not add someone to your number? BE HONEST.

(By the way, if I applied the above excuses to my number, I'd stil be a virgin. Okay fine--maybe not a virgin, but I'd be damn close.)

Oct 24, 2006

The New York Post Rocks

Not only is there a big article in today's New York Post about "your number", but it features 20 Times a Lady and me as the expert (I'm an expert on all things 'slut' now), AND is on the cover of the Pulse section. Yippie! Thank you Marina! Here's a scan so you can see how cool it is:




And here's the article. I bolded my parts. ;)

YOUR LAYS ARE NUMBERED
5, PURE; 10, YOU'RE PARIS? THE FUNNY MATH OF N.Y. SEX
By MARINA VATAJ

October 24, 2006 -- TO a woman, size does matter. But it's not the size you're thinking of. What women really care about is the length of the list of former lovers, which is usually either too many or too, too many. No matter how sexually liberated (or liberally sexual), most women believe that the number of guys they've had sex with (the average being somewhere between 7.2 and 10.5, depending on the survey) really does count.

According to Karyn Bosnak, author of "20 Times a Lady" (HarperCollins, $13.95) - a novel about a 29-year-old singleton who vows to cap her lovers at 20 since it's almost double the average - when it comes to men, it's all about the number.

"Women are very conscious of the number of sexual partners they've had," says Bosnak, 32. "And even though it's ridiculous to worry about increasing your number, that's exactly what happens."

Take Jessica, a 23-year-old who's had sex with five guys - that's five fewer than the average woman - and is already thinking about stopping while she's safe, so she won't be sorry.

"I'm at a point where I feel I have to seriously consider before having sex with the next guy I'm interested in, because he's just going to up my number if he's not the one."

The apropos number of partners changes depending on which survey you check out. The Durex condom company states that the average number of partners for women is 10.5, while a survey conducted by physorg.com says the average is more like 7.2.

Bosnak, who researched the topic for her novel, found that women like Jessica think their short list should be shorter partly because the woman with longer lists tend to lie about her numbers.

"The average number of sexual partners women have in a lifetime is more like 15, especially since this is the liberal, live-single-longer New York, and the ones who say otherwise are deflating the figure," Bosnak says.

Essentially, these women tally their number of partners based on who's left once they've applied all the self-deluding excuses they've created to make themselves feel they haven't crossed some mental line.

That's the case with Samantha, 28. "The last two guys I had sex with don't actually count because both of them went under a minute and I didn't get anything out of it. The one prior to that I slept with when I was drunk and in college, and that gets erased because of the rule, 'What happens in college, stays in college.' "

Despite her low number, Samantha, like most women, believes that the maximum partners a woman can have before turning from a complete girl-next-door to the whore-next-door is 20.

Andrea, 28, practices the same funny math. "I've had nine sexual partners, but I tell my boyfriend that I've only had three," she says. "I don't count some of them since they only happened once, and why should I risk him telling him and having him think I'm easy when I can tell him otherwise?"

Whether it is the pressure of friends or just the old-fashioned idea that men think that their mate should be pure, women care less about pushing the boundaries and more about pushing men away if it means one less digit.

"It's completely ridiculous, but it's totally true," Bosnak says. "To some, a number is the difference between being dubbed skanky Paris Hilton and being considered a respectable woman."

So what does this say for ladies looking for love - but having sex on the way there?

"As long as women continue to lie about how many men they had sex with, the appropriate number will always be low when really it should be whatever it happens to be," Bosnak says.

EXCUSES NOT TO ADD HIM TO 'THE NUMBER'

  • If he yells out another woman's name
  • If one or both of you ends up gently weeping
  • If he might be gay
  • If he took you out for a vegan meal first
  • If you're drunk, or you could have been drunk had you been drinking
  • If you just gave up smoking
  • If you just gave up having meaningless one-night stands
  • If it's Tuesday
  • If he's small
  • If he's small-minded
  • If he's Jared Leto


© 2006 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved.

Oct 23, 2006

New York Post

I'm going to be in tomorrow's New York Post, so check it out! I'll post a link when the article is available online. (It's about the book.)

Oct 12, 2006

Don't Play the Numbers Game

An article about your "number" in the Toronto Sun that mentions 20 Times a Lady:

Don't play The Numbers game
At the end of the day, there is no point grilling lovers about their past lives

By ANN MARIE MCQUEEN, SUN MEDIA

When two young people fall for each other, it's like the elephant in the room: Who, exactly, came before they came together?

It's called The Number. And just like a birth certificate and favourite pair of underwear, every adult has one.

I hadn't thought about The Number for a while. Until last weekend, when I ran into a couple of male friends who happened to be smack-dab in the middle of a conversation about it. Now in their 20s, The Number causes them no end of trouble.

See, women in their 20s, the age of women they naturally go out with, seem to want to know their Number. These guys, who could be called players, but, in my opinion, are only the very nicest kind, told me their Number is, um, quite high. Say, above 50. This, they know, is bound to upset the girls they're dating.

Even if the girl-who-asks can get past their Number, in the natural progression of such a conversation, there is the whole matter of her Number.

The guys, the players-but-nice-players guys, say no matter what that Number might be, if they like the girl, it's too high.

COMPLETELY UNFAIR

Even if her Number is two, and they know it's perfectly normal for her to have had sex before they met, and even if they didn't raise the subject, and even if they've slept with tens of dozens of women themselves, even if they know it's completely unfair and sexist, they will obsess about it. They will hate it.

That's why they would never initiate a conversation about The Number. And they don't think women should, either.

I had to agree with them. Experience has shown me that when it comes to The Number, we should all adhere to the famous Clinton-era American military policy compromise: Don't ask, don't tell. Canadian author and sex expert Josey Vogels, who writes the online column My Messy Bedroom, agrees.

"It is a no-win situation. You don't stand anything to gain by knowing the number of people the person has slept with, unless there's something you need to know about the people they've slept with," says Vogels. "It's nobody's business."

The last time I asked a boyfriend about The Number I was treated to an afternoon of fond sexual reminiscing. It started out with a post-brunch tally and continued with a series of "oh yeahs" throughout the afternoon. By early evening, just when I thought we'd exhausted the subject, he punched the steering wheel and proclaimed: "I just remembered another one!"

By the time he'd passed 60 the next day, I didn't care how many people he'd slept with. Whatever he did before me, sexually speaking, was nothing compared to the big deal he was making out of it now. For once, I was kind of glad I'd asked about The Number, because although I didn't like what I was hearing, it wasn't because it was too high.

TALL TALE

I also realized he was lying. There was no way he'd slept with that many people, or he wouldn't have gone on about it so.

That's another reason The Number is a dumb thing to talk about: Studies show when asked, men and women tend to lie about it. It was all laid out in American Pie 2's Rule of Three, the number by which men tend to multiply, and women divide, their sex partners when telling others about them.

In 2005 polling of a 2,000-strong Knowledge Networks Panel, with an average age in the late 40s, women reported having an average of 8.6 partners, while men reported 31.9. (I'm not able to explain this 0.6 and 0.9 business.) Scientists then set out to find out how many were lying.

Turns out, there were lots: 21% of men and 15% of the women later admitted they'd lied.

Norman R. Brown, a psychologist at the University of Alberta, explains that women tend to rely on enumeration, which leads to underestimation, while men rely on rough approximation, which leads to overestimation.

We are sleeping with each other, after all.

The Number is so compelling, so confounding that author Karyn Bosnak has even written a new novel about it.

In 20 Times A Lady, the heroine wakes up after a night of drunken sex with someone she dislikes. Not only is he a wretch, but she's now reached her self-imposed limit on how many men she can sleep with. As celibacy is not an option, she proceeds to retrace her steps, sexually speaking, hoping to make it work with one of numbers one-through-20.

It's like a do-over, to the max.


DOUBLE STANDARD

If only we could live in a world like the one seen in the charming 1994 film Four Weddings And A Funeral. In it, Andie MacDowell's character matter-of-factly tallied the 33 men she'd slept with, while Hugh Grant sat listening, sweetly managing to be flummoxed and impressed at the same time.

Mostly, we don't. The old double standard, the Madonna-whore complex, the male desire Ludacris so eloquently phrased when he rapped "we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed," is alive and well.

While it would be nice if women of all ages could tell their men their Number, and not be judged for it, and instead be appreciated for it, celebrated for it even, and vice-versa, that's just not the way life is.

And, as Vogels explains, if women in their 20s insist on asking about The Number, it has to do with more than sex. At that age, most of us still don't quite get the concept of honesty.

"Honesty is like, spill your guts about everything," says Vogels. "That's not the case. Sometimes, discretion is a lot more beneficial."

In the end, I think we learn to stop asking about his Number when we finally make peace with our own.

Because like a lot of things in life, when it comes to The Number, there's really only one person who needs to approve.

Sep 8, 2006

I'm Alive

I'm still wrapping up my screenplay - I'll be back full-time next week! Until then, please enjoy a hot flashback to the eighties on my MySpace page. (I have since changed it, but when I wrote this it was "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses.)

When you're done, tell me what memories hearing the song sparks. It reminds me of a guy I dated named Mark who drove a white Camaro and put Sun-In in his hair.

Also, here are two pics of my niece Nora. She is playing in Auntie Karyn's accessories in the first (I knit that scarf, btw, and bought those big sunglasses in a vintage shop in London WAY before those Olsen twits started wearing them), and is wearing a cute outfit I bought her in the second. The t-shirt says, "No Sleep 'til Brooklyn" and don't you just love those pants?


© 2004-2009 Karyn Bosnak