Thanksgiving in Rhode Island

This past Thanksgiving, my sister, her husband and I—the eternally single sibling who now travels with her dog—went to Rhode Island for the weekend. The first place we visited was Providence, which, despite the fact that nothing much goes on there, is a delightful town. Sure, there are a lot of cute houses, colleges, and one heck of a mall, but that's pretty much it.

The second place we visited was Newport, and WOW is it cute. It's right on the water and is so adorable. We went on a tour of a castle where he Vanderbilts used to live called "The Breakers." It was ENORMOUS. I wonder why they felt like they needed such a big house. It seems like a waste of space.

The hotels in Rhode Island didn't allow dogs, so I had to sneak Bev in and out in her bag. She couldn't parade in and out like she usually does, but she got over it. I don't understand why some hotels don't allow dogs. They let bratty kids run up and down the hallways like little hooligans, making noise and spreading germs by touching everything with their sticky little fingers, but my little baby who just got a BATH and was wearing a cute little blue sweater (btw, she was WAY better dressed than most people there) had to sneak around inside in a bag. It doesn't make any sense.

Anywho, does anyone know why Rhode Island is called Rhode Island? I mean, it's not an island.

Dolly Parton Rules

I'm now obsessed with Dolly Parton. I mean, I've always been a fan of hers, but I just watched her on Conan and she's so oddly fascinating. I could watch her talk for hours because she's so... doll-like? Is that what it is? She doesn't look like a real person, you know what I mean? All I have to say is that I'm going to Dollywood. That's my next trip. She told Conan that she likes to order from QVC, and that when she does, she uses her married name, which is Dolly Dee. Who knew?

My Cat Drools

Okay, I'm not sure what's wrong, but Elvis seems to be drooling a lot lately. I'm not talking a little drop hangs from his mouth or anything, I'm saying that I'm finding puddles of drool all over the apartment. Why oh why is he drooling? See what I mean?

It's over there to the right. A big drool string. I'm taking him to the vet next week to figure out what's wrong, because it just can't be normal, right? Right. I did an internet search, and read something that said cats drool when they're happy. Maybe that's what's going on with him.

UPDATE: Elvis stopped drooling a few days after I wrote this, and the vet said he's fine (after he shoved a thermometer up his tush.) He said he might've had some food stuck between his teeth or something like that.

Made Up Words

I like to make up words. Yep. When I'm talking and I can't think of a good word to explain what I'm talking about, I just make one up. Like my friend is an attorney and I call what he does "lawyering." And those little cubicles where they do bikini waxes, I call those "publicle cubicles."

Anywho... every month Jane magazine has a new word in it that they or someone else made up. Here are some examples...

Almond Joy
n. A male camel-toe, formed when a dude's jewels are squeezed into tight jeans. Usage: "The Boss's almond joy is three times bigger than Steve Perry's. Not that that's something to be proud of."

Diet Strokes
n. Music-industry term for any of the hundred cute new garage bands coming onto the scene. Usage: "Those Diet Strokes must shop at the same marching-band-jacket surplus store as Julian."

Efemulate
v. To rip away womanhood (like "emascualte"). Usage: That efemulating bastard said I can't wear skirts to work.

Icarus dick
adj. Too proud; cocky. Pertaining to Icarus, the mythological guy who flew too close to the sun. Usage: "When I saw the new designs for the Twin Towers site, I thought, 'Ugh, they're so Icarus dick.'"

Noah's boy
n. An obnoxious show-off. Diner cooks use "Noah's boy" as slang for ham, since Ham was Noah's son in the Bible. Usage: "That Noah's boy is talking really loudly about his motorcycle again."

Poseur exposer
n. A band name that is sure to unmask novice fans because it's hard to pronounce. Geeky record store clerks get a lot of mileage out of these. Usage: "That loser just asked about the new Porky's Psychotic Monkey record. Poseur exposer in effect - everyone knows it's Gorky's Zygotic Mynci."

Pussyball
n. Tattooist term for the tennis ball given to customers who need something to squeeze in order to deal with the pain. Usage: "I'm not your pussyball - go to the bathroom by yourself."

Screwvenir
n. or v. A T-shirt, CD, etc. stolen from a one-night stand's house or the act of stealing the stuff. Usage: "Now that I have Physical Graffiti, I've screwvenired the entire Zeplin discography."

What are some of your favorite made up words?

The Skinny Mirror

I just moved into my new apartment, and the person who lived here before me left a full-length mirror behind. But the thing is, it's not just any mirror—it's a skinny mirror. Yep. As in "I look like a total babe in this skinny mirror" skinny mirror. As in "I wish others could see how hot I am in this skinny mirror" skinny mirror. Why on earth would anyone leave a skinny mirror behind?

Beverly's Tongue

Why does Beverly sleep with her tongue sticking out of her mouth? Is something wrong with her? Won't it dry out?

If she could talk, would she have a lisp? What's up with that?

Here's a close-up:

Pringles

Pringles are one good chip. How do you think they make them? Do you think they mash potatoes up and then spread the mash on some sort of curved thing-y before baking them? Really think about this. They can't just slice them off of a roll of some kind because of the curve. There has to be more to it than that. And do you think they add the flavors like sour cream & onion or BBQ to the mash batter? Or do you think they bake regular Pringles and sprinkle the flavors on afterward?

The Peculiar Pin

So I was walking down the street recently and something sparkly on the ground caught my eye. I bent over to pick it up, and low and behold it was a rhinestone pin of some sort, perhaps a pin my grandma would put on her outfit to "add some glitz." I put the pin in my pocket and walked home, and have since been sharing the find with my friends, but none of us can figure out just what the heck this pin is a pin of.

Is it a squirrel? A skunk? A rat with a fluffy tail? Seriously, what the heck is this pin a pin of? A possum? A beaver? A raccoon? What do you think?

To Pussyfoot

For some odd reason, I've been using the word "pussyfoot" a lot recently. I say things like, "I was pussyfooting around," and "he or she was pussyfooting around." Even though I'm not exactly sure what it means, I like it. I have a feeling that it means to "walk quietly and cautiously like a pussy cat." I mean, that makes sense, right?

So anywho, I was just wondering if anyone else is fond of the word "pussyfoot." Also, why did it take me so long to start using the word "pussyfoot?" And where did I pick it up from? Was it in a movie I saw recently? Or did I hear it a long time ago, bury it deep in my subconscious, and then recently have a dream that tapped into that area of my brain? If that's the case, then it's a shame. I could've been using it for a long time if only I hadn't buried it. But I guess it's better late than never, right?

Uggs are Ugly

Why is everyone and their mom wearing Uggs? I mean, let's be honest—they're ugly. Butt, butt-ugly. They're the Moon Boots of this decade. One day we'll look back at them like we do shoulder pads and fluorescent disc earrings and ask ourselves, "What in the hell were we thinking?" Uggs are dumpy, frumpy, and make even the tallest women look stumpy.

Now, I can understand why you might want to wear them if you live in the tundra—but in LA? No. When you're wearing a dress? No, again. When you're out on a Friday night in Manhattan? Absolutely not. Every store is sold out of them, which is a blessing in disguise for all the Ugg-less women out there. Believe me, it's a good thing you can't get your hands on them. One day you'll look back at photos of people schlumping around town in them, and you'll be thankful that you were late jumping on the bandwagon.

Uggs = Ugly.

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Most Popular Posts

So you're new here and you don't know who I am, or if you should check this blog frequently, or subscribe, or what have you. Well, to make your decision easier, I've compiled a list of what I think have been the most popular posts here at pretty* in the city, which you'll find below.

I'd start at the top and work your way down. Or you can start in the middle and jump around if you'd like. Or you can even start at the end—that's usually where I start things.

If You Happened to Be in SoHo Yesterday

20 Times is the Aero Book Club Pick!

Patience

And That's Why I Hate You, Sheila Mulligan

New Support Group

My Starbucks Office: An Open Letter to Starbucks Corporate

Conversations With Your Pets

Didn't I See You On Cops?

Kanye West: Cult Member or Medium Vagina Conspirator?

To Catch a Mouse
...and the rest of the "I Have a Mouse" series:
I HAVE A MOUSE!!!!!
Mouse Update
Another Mouse Update
Zzzz... This is Your Brain on Drugs
A Final Mouse Update

Hassie Posse
...and other "Word Fun" posts.

Confession: Imaginary Friends

Brooklyn Bridge & My Boobies

I'm a Special, Special Girl

One Classy Broad

20 Times a Lady • Foreign Translations

UK

Amazon.co.uk

Dutch

Bol.com
cosmox.nl

German

Amazon.de

Aussie & NZ

Dymocks.com.au

Korean

Aladdin.co.kr

Italian

Bol.it

Coming soon in China!

Save Karyn • Foreign Translations

UK

amazon.co.uk

Dutch

bol.com
cosmox.nl

Aussie & NZ

dymocks.com.au

Korean

aladdin.co.kr

German

amazon.de

Japanese

amazon.co.jp

Thai

pearl pub co.

Croatian

superknjizara.hr

Russian

amphora.ru

Mandarin

books.com.tw

20 Times a Lady Reviews

STARRED REVIEW
"Making her fiction debut, Bosnak writes with a keen eye for comedy. Absolutely hilarious... [20 Times a Lady] deserves a place on all shelves." — Library Journal


"Don't hate yourself in the morning for reading this book and liking it. It's as irresistible as a pint of Ben & Jerry's and goes down as easily. Laugh-out-loud encounters with old flames end in hilarious flameouts. The lively pace and outlandish story will keep readers hooked..." — Booklist


"A positive message on taking risks and owning up to one's mistakes. Frequently funny... saucy chick-lit." — Kirkus Reviews


CHOSEN FOR THE SMART GIRLS' BOOK CLUB
"A well-executed first novel [and] an excellent read. Bosnak writes with a charming and original voice." — Chicago Sun-Times


"Chick-lit with bells on!" — Nottingham Evening Post (UK)


NAMED A "GLAM READ"
"Delilah always vowed never to sleep with more than twenty men. But now she's reached her target without finding Mr. Right, so she revisits her exes with hilarious results." — British Glamour


"Sassy and fun, who doesn't love a good romp?" — OK! (UK)


SELECTED AS THE BOOK OF THE MONTH FOR THE "AERO BOOK CLUB"
"A comedy of errors, a real page-turner and so entertaining. In fact, it's like having a best friend you can totally relate to, and it almost feels as though you've been jolted into the reality of your past! Many women will identify with Delilah's crazed search..." — Amanda Holden in New Woman (UK)

PART OF "THE RICHARD & JUDY BOOK CLUB" — "ONES TO WATCH"

"A zany American tale that takes you into the self-conscious world of a delusional young lady who has decided that 20 is the magic number for her." — Western Daily Press (UK)


"A comedic mess!" — Tampa Tribune


"20 Times a Lady is the book of the summer! I devoured it from cover to cover while reminiscing about my own previous relationship hits and misses." — A Socialite's Life


Read "Your Lays Are Numbered" in the New York Post


"A fast, funny and very enjoyable love story/road-trip novel. Whilst you may be able to predict how the book will end, you won't predict how Delilah gets there - and that's the mark of a good writer. The book speeds along, and there's a lot of surprises on the way to a happy ending. I loved the fact that the main character is a risk-taker, not afraid to seem stupid - and brave in sharing her feelings. And I frequently found myself snorting with laughter at her remarks!

After loving Save Karyn so much, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about a novel by the same author—would the same big, sunny personality come across in a work of fiction? I'm happy to say it does! Delilah seems heavily based on Karyn's own personality and I think that's why she's so likeable. But as to how much the experiences (and experience) Delilah has is based on reality, I guess only Ms Bosnak will ever know for sure..." — Trashionista


"In her younger days Delilah decided she would stop at her 20th sexual partner. Now 29, she is on No 19 and gets a big shock when she reads an article that tells her she has had almost double the amount of men as the average woman. With this depressing news Delilah decides to revisit her past "loves"–just to make sure she hasn't missed The One. But the question is, can you put a number on love?" — The Sun (UK)


Read "Down With the Count" in The Village Voice


"Karyn Bosnak guides her readers on this tour of past loves with a heaping dose of humor and heart. Bosnak proves her ability to create a fictional character every bit as endearing as she was able to make herself [in Save Karyn.]" — BookPage


"20 Times a Lady is a fabulous chick lit romantic comedy which will have you laughing out loud, wondering at the heroine's exploits and learning life lessons alongside. Written in great style, this tale will engage you in the heroine's plight, as well as provide you with great entertainment that is sure to find a permanent fixture on your keeper shelf.

20 Times a Lady is sure to tickle your funny bone! Whether or not you have found yourself in a situation like Delilah's, you are sure to love this hilarious tale and truly enjoy Delilah's exploits. The plot is solid, well written and fabulously paced. The characters are all brilliantly developed, with their own little quirks, talents and eww factors. Delilah's family is fabulous: close-knit, if a tad secretive, protective and focused on Daisy's (Delilah's sister's) wedding...

20 Times A Lady is a thoroughly enjoyable, hilarious romantic comedy that ought to be on your TBB list, for sure!" — Novelspot


"I flat out loved 20 Times a Lady. I enjoy a book that makes you laugh. Delilah Darling is flawed, realistic and believable as a character. You never feel sorry for her and you want her to find whatever it is she is searching for. She takes wild chances in life and is prepared to learn by her mistakes. There is lots of sex in the book, however it is not overt and does not detract from the storyline. But there is also romance and passion and people being doing dumb things for the sake of love. And although, the reader may have their suspicions about where Colin, the neighbor fits into the scheme of things, his effect on Delilah’s life is slowly brought into the book. I liked that in a book as I don’t want to know all the answers straight away.

The use of memos, message and footnotes that are liberally spread throughout the books pages were different and original. They were quirky asides into the life of Delilah and her friends and family. I could easily picture all the characters in the book and many reminded me of people I knew.

20 Times a Lady is not the traditional heart and flowers romance. It is real and raw and no punches are pulled. The message, to me, is that romance is not always perfect so why worry about looking for perfection. It is also a very funny book in the true chick lit genre. The ending was everything a good romance should represent. If you like a book that makes you laugh, that questions silly rules and that makes you smile at the end, then I believe this is the book for you." — Once Upon a Romance


"This is a hilariously funny story which every modern woman can appreciate as it simply hits all the right buttons. The characters are lovable, Delilah’s quest for the truth admirable, the constant flow of drama enough to keep one on edge, and the comedy thoroughly entertaining. Simply stated, Ms. Bosnak shines in her debut novel and I look forward to seeing her next one. A brilliant example of chick-lit at its finest!" — TCM Reviews


"Author Karyn Bosnak spins an amusing tale. Her writing involves the reader, keeping the pages turning and holding us on the edge of our seat about what mess Delilah will send her life into next. A fast read with some really funny bits..." — Books for a Buck


"This book made me laugh from the first paragraph to the last. I loved Delilah and her little dog, too. Her trek through her past loves makes a person realize that they should not look back, but that if they do they should do it without regret. However, if I had to look back, I would hope I could at least have someone half as funny to write about as her Mr. Wrongs, because Delilah had some stinkers. The author made the heroine realistic, not perfect. She made me laugh, cry, and want to smack her too, but I cheered when she got what I think she deserved in the end.

20 Times a Lady has one hundred times the laughs. I hope you will give it a try; I am so happy I did." — Coffee Time Romance


"This is a book that will have you laughing out loud. The author will have you turning the pages to find out what happens as Delilah begins her search for Mr. Right. This is a quick read and one that is very enjoyable so be sure to sit down and relax because you will be thoroughly entertained. Delilah is a quirky character but one that you will enjoy! Be sure to add this one to your reading list. It is a fun read!" — BestsellersWorld.com


"Hilarious and touching." — BookLoons


"20 Times a Lady is a laugh a minute chick lit that you'll simply adore. I loved it so much I told my daughter to read it. The format tips off the reader with phone calls to Delilah from her Mom. It's a clever way of introducing relationships without the characters actually speaking together. FYI: Delilah prefers it that way. Like every woman these days, Delilah has lists that act as therapy to get her true thoughts and feelings to surface, such as: she can't seem to focus on anything these days, she's jealous of her younger sister, Daisy (who is beautiful and has a to-die-for body) and her guilt is rising uncontrollably. Making this book interesting is the truth: that all men are different and, yes, they have their hang ups. They can be sensitive or insensitive. Pigs or too perfect and they can live for the moment and the hell with the consequences. That last truth has Delilah waking up and growing up. In the end, you don’t just settle for love, you have to fall in love.

Five out of five adorable little Yorkies!" — GottaWriteNetwork