In Remembrance

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who lost loved ones on 9/11/01.

My Left Foot

So how old do I feel right now? I had to see a podiatrist today. Yes, for the last eight months I've had an intense pain in my left heel and it won't go away. I'm not sure exactly what initially caused it, but I'm pretty sure it was these Michael Kors boots that I wore every day last winter:


They're cute, right? And they were actually comfortable, too, which is why I didn't expect them to ruin my feet. But I'm pretty sure they did.

Now, what would you expect to happen at the foot doctor? An examination? An X-Ray? That's what I expected. What I didn't expect was for the doctor pull out a two-inch needle and give me a shot in the foot, but that's what ended up happening.

A little background... I'm terrified of needles. TERRIFIED. Like I have a major phobia about them and have since I've been a little girl. (It all stems from having my tonsils out; a story for another time.) Because of this, I kinda freaked out upon seeing the needle, so the doctor called in an assistant to help me through the whole ordeal.

So a girl came in the room... she was young, nice... she stood next to me and let me hold her hands. I was a little relieved by her presence but still somewhat scared, so I buried my head in the crook of my arm which just happened to be resting over hers.

When the doctor began, I closed my eyes and held my breath. He told me it was going to be quick and painless but it sooooooo wasn't, so I'm completely tensed up and froze. The next thing you know, my mouth opened slightly and I began DROOLING on the girl's arm. Seriously. And the worst part of it was that I didn't wipe it off right away because the needle was still in my foot, so I was still afraid to move.

When the doctor (finally) finished, I apologized to the poor girl and wiped off her arm. She was really nice about everything and didn't seem too grossed out. (She works in a foot doctor's office, I'm sure she's experienced worse things than me drooling on her arm.)

Anyway, come to find out, I have a spur on my left heel or "plantar fasciitis." To correct it I have to get custom orthotics made. Thankfully my insurance covers them because they're like $400. I also have to sleep in a terrible contraption called a "night splint." If I wear these two things this thing should go away. For my sake and the sake of the poor girl's arm at the doctor's office, I hope it does.

Live From My Neighborhood

Gawker went live from 11201 to get reactions from people about the Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams split. This is where I live. Please meet my neighborhood.

Boerum Hill Comes To Terms With Heathchelle Split

Britney Let Me Down... But My Mom Didn't

I'm watching the VMAs on MTV right now, as is my mother. I told her to tune in for Britney's big "comeback," which ended up to be a huge disappointment. Bitch didn't bring it at all. My mom, on the other hand, did.

I thought she'd tune out after Britney performed, but she called me during the first commercial break, right after seeing Kanye sing...

"I didn't understand a thing he said," she said.
"Who?" I asked.
"That Conway Twitty guy."
"It's Kanye."
"Whatever. I don't know who any of these people are. The only people I recognize are Beyonce and Justin Timberland."
"Timberlake."
"That's what I said. Where are all the normal people, like Cher?"
"I don't think Cher's making an appearance this year. "
"Well, she's still very relevant. She's taking over for Celine Dion when she leaves Vegas."
"I didn't know that."
"Now you do."

A little later, on Adam Levine...

"Do you know who he is, Mom?" I asked.
"No."
"He's the lead singer for a band called Maroon 5. He's supposedly a big playboy and gets into everyone's pants."
This surprised my mom. "He does?"
"Yep."
"Well, he's not getting into mine."

Ha ha... I love her.

PS - How good did Dr. Dre look? Has he always been this cut?



PPS - International readers... I don't think MTV is letting you watch the video of Brit's performance. (Some copyright thing.) Here's another link to it.

I Wanna Be A Rock Star

My dad retired to Arizona a few years ago and, to keep himself busy, got a job working security at a stadium in Phoenix. In addition to working sporting events, he gets to work during concerts as well and it's always funny to hear his take on these. (After a Rolling Stones concert, for example, his big observation was... "That Mick Jagger sure has a lot of energy.")

About a month ago he told me about a big "acid rock" band that was coming called "Nickelodeon." (Nickelback.) I'm not a big fan of acid rock or Nickelback, for that matter, but I love the video for their new song "Rockstar."

This is definitely one of those songs that you like more after seeing the video.

BTW... who says "acid rock" anymore?

Sneezing Panda

I love this.

50 Cent Vs. Kanye

So these two jokers have albums coming out on the same day and are challenging each other as to who's going to sell more copies. (You probably didn't need the recap, but my mom's been reading this blog—say hi to her!—and she will.) If I had to choose between them and say who I hope sells more, I'd go Fiddy all the way. Not because I necessarily like his music more than Kanye's, but he was a crack dealer and crack dealers are cool.

I'm kidding. Drugs aren't funny. Well, maybe mild ones are... but not crack. You know what else isn't funny? Meth. If there are any little kids reading this blog (God, I hope there aren't), don't ever do meth. It's what I call a "dumb drug", like it will literally cause brain damage and make you retarded. I'm not joking—you will become retarded if you start doing meth. And your teeth will probably fall out, too. And you might even scratch your face off. Listen kiddies, if you need speed, be smart and stick with cocaine like everyone else.

Oh my Gosh, I'm kidding again. My mother's gonna be horrified... I'm sorry, Mom! I'm just a little slap-happy this morning, that's all. Too much coffee, because caffeine is my drug of choice. See? You raised me well.

Back to 50 Cent... he didn't sell drugs on purpose, he was a victim of circumstance. I saw his movie. His mom was killed when he was 6 or 8 or something and he just fell into it, you know? It happens. The important thing is that he doesn't sell them any more, he just sings about it. Seriously though, I love him and his slur. (He got shot, Mom, like eight times by another drug dealer and it caused him to have a slur.) I also like Kanye, though, and especially love that new song of his, "Now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger..." It's very inspirational. But I'm still sticking with 50.

The Trouble With Trouble

It seems that no one wants poor little Trouble. (Apparently, she's a biter.)

Since I have a weakness for unwanted animals,* I'd like to volunteer to take Trouble (and the $12 million that comes along with her.)

*The story of Eva the Yorkie in 20 Times a Lady is the true story of how I got Beverly. She was on sale at a pet store because she was "older" than all the other pups there. (Yes, I bought a dog at a pet store, I know it's wrong, save your hate mail.) She wasn't even on display with the other dogs, but was kept downstairs all alone, by herself. The only reason I even knew she was there was because I asked if they had any girl Yorkies and a worker there was like, "Yeah... but she's downstairs. No one wants to buy her because she's older. Do you want to see her?" I was like, "Um... yeah." For the record, she was 4 months old. Here she is on her first day home:

How could no one want that?

The Cute Electricians

Why does this happen to me?

Something's wrong with my electricity so my landlord had to hire an electrician to come over and fix it. He usually hires the biggest schmos off the street to fix things or sends someone up from his butcher shop, but this time he hired two young, cute electricians who happen to work for the fire department AND I HAVEN'T SHOWERED ALL DAY AND I'M STILL IN MY PAJAMAS.

Why?

UPDATE: One of them is getting married on Saturday and the other one is his best man. I don't know if the best man is single or not. Maybe I should just get naked while I wait for them to finish and see if he bites. (Bites? That didn't sound right...)

Greetings From The Beach

Bev digs the sand and surf.

Blogger's Choice Awards

A fabulous chick named Karen nominated pretty* in the city for a Blogger's Choice Award. Thank you, Karen!

No one really ever nominates me for anything so I'm super excited.

I've been nominated in following categories:

Best Humor Blog

Best Pop Culture Blog

Best Blog of All Time

Vote for me please! If you can't decide which category to vote for me in, why not do it in all three? Tee hee!

PS: I'm in the Hamptons sitting by a pool right now. I haven't looked at a computer for the past three days, but I couldn't help myself today... I missed you guys!

xx

On Vacation...

I'm gonna be getting my beach on in the Hamptons this week so I probably won't be able to update as there's no wireless where I'm staying.

I'm bringing my camera and a camcorder, though, so I'll post pics and/or video when I return!

XX

Ugly People

I had this conversation with a friend recently and now I'm out and about and thought about it again... I think very few people in this world are ugly.

I think some people are more attractive than others, but I rarely see someone who'd I'd describe as being ugly. I find less attractive people interesting to look at, I suppose. I like crooked faces, big noses; they give people character, make them unique, like dents in an old piece of wooden furniture.

Anyway, my friend totally disagreed with me and thinks there are a lot of ugly people in this world, but I don't know... I just can't remember the last time I looked at someone and was like, "Eww... They're ugly."

Thoughts?

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Condy Likes It Sweet

I have a strange but true story.

A friend of mine went to a party at Condoleezza Rice's house and said that Condy puts Sweet'N Low in her wine. I swear, this isn't like "a friend of a friend" story. My friend said that she (meaning Condy) tore open a little packet of Sweet'N Low and dumped it into her white wine before drinking it.

Here, I made this pretty picture for you.

Donny Deutsch-Bag

Donny Douchebag is on the Today show right now telling people to be the CEO of their dating life, which sounds a little familiar to me because it was my idea
in my book and you totally

stole it, Donny, you

know you did!

You're an ad man... get your own ideas... thief.

From Save Karyn...