My Mom The Computer Whiz

Oh my Gosh, I can't handle it—I CAN'T HANDLE IT!

My mom finally got her new computer and, for some reason, the modem stopped working today. After spending a painful—and I mean painful—20 minutes on the phone with her trying to help figure out what happened, I told her to call the cable company because the thing seemed to have died completely. She ended up having to take it in and trade it in for a new one, and when she got home, she called me frantically and was like, "What's the difference between a urethra and UCB?"

I was like, "Pardon me?"

"The new modem came with a urethra and a UCB. Which one should I use to hook it up?"

"Um, do you mean an Ethernet and a USB cord?"

"Yeah, that's it..."

God bless her. I'm sure I'll be the same way some day.

One Of These Things Is Just Like The Other...

Someone sent me the link to this book, Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, saying the cover looks just like 20 Times a Lady.


Ha ha—it does! They both have the same notebook background, font, and pink and yellow accent colors. (The blue along the right side of mine is actually part of a map on the next page.) I think that font is popular right now with book covers because I was at the book store this weekend and kept seeing it everywhere.

Anyway, has anyone read this book? It looks good. The author, Lisa Delaney, is an editor at Health magazine. From her website:

Once upon a time I was a fat girl...

I thought like a fat girl, acted like a fat girl—oh yeah, and I looked like one, too. But not any more. Through trial and error (lots of error!), I dropped 70 pounds and said good bye to the fat-girl image I had of myself. For almost 20 years now, I’ve been living like the powerful, confident, worthy woman I always was inside. And I’m ready to share my secrets with you. All the advice, information, inspiration, and motivation you need is just a click or two away!"

Hmmm... I may have to check this out. I just started a diet yesterday.

And How Much Did You Make Last Year?

I totally need to start selling drugs.

Bling!

Ever wondered what $205 million USD in cold, hard cash looks like? US authorities seized this huge stash - thought to be the biggest of its kind in the world - in Mexico. The money, in $100 bill denominations, was found hidden behind walls and in cupboards of a luxurious mansion owned by a Chinese pharmaceutical tycoon accused of making millions by trading in massive quantities of a chemical used to make methamphetamine.

Simpsonize Me

So I'm sure you've all heard of the Simpsonizeme site by now. You can upload a picture of yourself and have it transformed into a Simpson's character. It's been flooded with visitors since it's launch and running a bit slow, but after several tries last night, I was able to get through and Simpsonize myself.

Instead of using a recent photo, I instead chose to upload my second grade school picture. I'm sure you can already see it, so let me explain: my mom was really into home perms when I was little and they never turned out very well. With that, here goes:

Me in second grade with a bad home perm and me in second grade with a bad perm, Simpsonized:

Ha ha! It's kind of funny, but I don't think it's very spot on. The site allows you to alter it, so I did. Here's a side-by-side-by-side of the results:


Have you Simpsonized yourself? If so, post links!

Final Elvis Update

← Taken 2 minutes ago

A nice person named Jane asked how Elvis was doing and I realized that I forgot to tell you all what happened!

Last I told you, he was vomiting and not eating so I took him to an emergency vet who gave him fluids under the skin. That was a Thursday. By that Saturday he still hadn't started eating (Poor thing... I kept trying to force-feed him Pedialyte through a medicine dropper), so I took him to our regular vet who X-rayed his stomach.

The X-ray showed that Elvis has a growth of some kind in his stomach, like a tumor or something. The vet couldn't tell exactly what it was and doesn't know how long it's been there, but he doesn't want to do exploratory surgery for reasons which I'll explain in a minute.

First, he wanted to get Elvis eating again, so he gave him Valium. Apparently, it increases cats' appetites. I asked the vet, "Is it the sedative effects of it that makes cats eat, kind of like—" and he cut me off and said, "Kind of like when people get high and get the munchies? Yes." It was funny. So anyway, when we got home, Elvis CHOWED down like I've never seen him chow down before and has been eating well ever since.

As for the vomiting, I have to give him 1/4 of a tablet of Pepcid AC every few days, which I've been doing. Since the visit (which was almost two weeks ago), he's only barfed once, but I'm not too worried about it, though, because Elvis barfs ALL THE TIME and has since he's been little. (The difference between this and when he was sick was that he was barfing every 10 minutes and hadn't been eating.)

Now, back to the tumor. The reason the vet doesn't want to do exploratory surgery is because the tumor could be something that Elvis has had his entire life. As long as his blood work continues to come back normal and the tumor doesn't grow (we're going to monitor both regularly), it doesn't make sense to have him undergo surgery. Doing so couldn't be more stressful for him. The funny thing is that the original thing I took him there for (the lump in his neck) is totally unrelated to the tumor in his stomach. But the meds for the first led to him not eating, which led to the X-ray, which led to the discovery of his tummy tumor.

Am I worried about him? Yes. But he seems to be returning to his old self since the visit, so I'm going to take it day by day, watch him closely, and give him lots of love. If he really does have nine lives, he used up one before I got him (he lived in a bush the first eight months of his life) and two more in the last couple of months. That means he's got six left.

It's funny, but people always say dogs are more loyal and cats more aloof, but in my household, things are flipped—Beverly is very independent while Elvis is ALWAYS by my side. I live in a small apartment, but he follows me everywhere—from the bedroom to the kitchen to the desk to the couch. In fact, as I type this, he's sitting right next to me. (See photo above.) I love him. I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to him.

Okay, that's all! Thanks for asking about him Jane!

The Most Irritating Headline Of All Time

There's no need for this many puns in one sentence. Really.



UPDATE: The journalist who wrote the article, Mary Beth Ellis, just posted a comment!

I've Never Been to Me

Ron Miller, the man who wrote "I've Never Been to Me" (performed by Charlene), died a few days ago. May he rest in peace.

I've always loved that song. I really identify with the part that goes, "I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun."

Ha ha, kidding.

I found a great website that has the lyrics and instrumental music so you can sing along. Warm up those vocal chords and then click the link below to begin:

I've Never Been to Me

Note: Really belt out that spoken part in the middle. Don't hold back.

Smith Street in The New York Times

I don't mean to take away from the excitement of the previous post, but there's an article in today's New York Times not just about my neighborhood, but my block!

Smith Street Confronts the Corporate Takeover

↑
That's the Starbucks I go to.

I took pictures of Homage, the skateboarding shop they're talking about, during the Smith Street festival I wrote about a few weeks ago. I kept meaning to write a post about it because I think it's a great addition to the hood, but I never got around to it.

The photos of Homage are posted on my Flickr account:

PS - I'm all for a Starbucks coming to the neighborhood (because they make damn good coffee), but I'd hate to see it become completely commercial.

PPS - Thankfully my apartment is rent-stabilized.

UPDATE: This post and my Flickr photos were linked to on Racked and Curbed. Thanks guys! (Even though you slightly made fun of my first PS comment.)

Remember The Guy From Mad Magazine?

He's all grown up now.

MMMAllGrownUp!

The middle one who looks like a girl isn't so cute anymore.

Hanson @ Virgin Megastore, NYC

I don't like his skinny jeans. And that thing around his neck is very Rod Stewart.

UPDATE: Okay, I take it back. He's cute in these pictures. He looks a little bit like Jon Bon Jovi:



SECOND UPDATE: I feel bad now for saying he's no longer cute. Even if it were true (which it isn't), it's not a very nice thing to say. The Hanson boys are good people. They could've turned into annoying boozehounds/druggies like many-a-child stars have, but they didn't. All they wanna do is sing. With each other. They seem to have good family values. I'm going to support them.

Hail Hanson!

PREVIOUSLY: MMMKaryn!

Cable Woes

My cable internet connection went out Saturday and someone won't be coming to fix it until Wednesday. Right now I'm sponging off a neighbor's connection, but I keep getting bumped off, so if I disappear for a couple days, that's why!

PS - This totally blows because I have Vonage, the cable phone, so I have no phone and no internet. I feel like I'm in the dark ages.

PPS - Ha ha... The first comment from Lisa is referring to this.

Flight of the Conchords in Cobble Hill

I'm watching Flight of the Conchords on demand right now because I missed it last night and they were just in my neighborhood! I think they're supposed to live in the East Village or Williamsburg on the show, but they just had a shot of a Mexican restaurant down the street from me called Lobo. (I think the guys were in a bus that drove past it.)

I actually took a picture of Lobo a while ago and put it on my Flickr page. Here it is:

It's not the greatest shot, I took it right after I got my camera, but anyway...

Yay Cobble Hill! Go Brooklyn.

I Hate Paris Hilton

From TMZ...

Paris' Yorkie wandered into the street after sneaking out the front door.

I now hate her and will forever. How would she like it if she got run over like her dog could've been?

UPDATE: She was just on The Insider talking about her new fashion and hair extension lines. Didn't she say she wanted to put her fame to good use and help those in need?

It's good to see she's saving the world now that she's out of jail.

Before Sunset

Ahhh! "Before Sunset" with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy was just on Cinemax.

I LOVE this movie—it contains one of my favorite scenes EVER. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this post now, because I'm going to talk about it, so SPOILER ALERT!

******************

I LOVE the final scene, when Jesse and Celine go back to her apartment. I LOVE when she plays the guitar and sings to him, "Let me sing you a waltz..."

I LOVE when she imitates Nina Simone and dances.

And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the last two lines of dialogue before the movie ends. The magic is really in the their delivery, but for what it's worth...

"Baby, you are gonna miss that plane."
"I know."

Ahhh!

Makes me melt.

Emmy Nominations

So the Emmy nominations were announced and I was a little upset that Rober Iler who played AJ on The Sopranos didn't get one for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama.

Personally, I think he deserved one more than Michael Imperioli, but whatev.

Another guy who deserved to be nominated for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy is Justin Kirk who plays Andy Botwin on Weeds.

I mean, how do you NOT nominate someone who delivered the one of the BEST monologues on TV all season:

Masturbation Etiquette

I love him and think he steals almost every scene he's in.

Moving on, I think it's a crying shame that Michael C. Hall (formerly of Six Feet Under) wasn't nominated for Best Actor in a Drama for his role on Dexter.


Great show, amazing actor, huge oversight.

Thoughts?