20 Times is the Aero Book Club Pick!

Amanda Holden has chosen 20 Times a Lady as the July book of the month for the Aero Book Club! Yay!

For those of you who don't know, Amanda Holden is a popular British actress. I wrote a post about her a couple weeks ago. Here's a link.

Amanda said, "Bosnak's style of writing is very similar to Australian writer Kathy Lette. The story's a comedy of errors, a real page-turner and so entertaining. In fact, it's like having a best friend you can totally relate to, and it almost feels as though you've been jolted into the reality of your past! Many women will identify with Delilah's crazed search, so I'm recommending this book to everyone!"

Thank you, Amanda! I can barely contain my excitement. I mean, what if Becks reads my book?



What if Posh reads my book?

Wait, scratch that—we all know Posh can't read.



(Maybe Becks will read it to her now that he's gonna have more free time.)

OMG, what if WILLS reads it? (Harry would have to read it first and then give it to him—Harry is much cooler.)



AND THEN WHAT IF THE QUEEN READS IT?!



And then what if she talks about it with people like JK Rowling?!



Which can only mean that...





If all this happens, then I will have succeeded in my quest to corrupt all that is pure and good.

Yesssssssssssss!

Anyway, the Aero Book Club is a part of New Woman magazine. Buy it!

PREVIOUSLY: Amanda Holden, My New Favourite Brit

Piss Off

I woke up early and I'm watching 9 to 5 right now staring Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton and Jane Fonda. It's one of my favorite movies of all times. Lily Tomlin is so amazing in it. I love the scene where she's in the hospital because she thinks she's killed Mr. Hart, and she steals a body that she thinks is his. A candy striper comes up to her in the middle of it all and she tells them to "piss off." I love that phrase—it's so something my mom would say. I'm going to start to say it more often.

"Ah... piss off."

Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest Winner - Week 4

The Rule of Thumb
by Kristen Hammack

During my sophomore year in college, my roommates and I thought it would be fun to check out the online dating websites. Through doing this, I ended up meeting a guy named Stan. Stan was really nice and, after chatting online for awhile, we decided to go out on a date. Over the course of a month or so, we ended up going out a few times, but eventually things ended between us.

The last date that Stan and I had took place at a comedy club. The show was pretty good, and when it was over, we decided to pick up a movie and go back to my dorm room. After popping in the tape, we both crammed our bodies into my X-long twin bed and things got a little frisky. Stan and I kissed and touched each other and eventually decided to have sex. We both got naked and started going through the motions. Stan was on top and everything seemed to be fine, but then suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and sat on the edge of the bed with his back facing me. Apparently Stan was nervous and not... ready... so he was trying to "assist himself" so we could continue. After realizing it was taking an awfully long time, I sat up to see if I could "help." Eager to get back to things, I quickly reached over with my right hand, but then stopped short of touching his penis when I realized that it was the exact same size as my thumb. Without thinking, I instantly retracted my hand, laid back down on the bed and said, "You know what? Maybe we should do this another time. I need to get to bed." I'm pretty sure the shock of what I had just seen was plastered all over my face, and I'm pretty sure Stan knew that we'd never see each other again. He put his clothes on and left.

The next morning, as I was telling my roommates about the fiasco, I described him as being "thumb d*ck," and from that point on, that's been his name. If I happen to pass a place we went to, I'd say, "Oh, 'thumb d*ck' and I went to that restaurant." Or when I'm at the video store I say, "Oh, 'thumb d*ck' and I saw that movie." As I said earlier, that night was the last date thumb d*ck and I ever had, and I never saw him or his thumb d*ck again.

From Karyn... Yay Kristen! Your book is on it's way.

The reason I picked Kristen's story this week is that I'm sure we've all had a small penis experience, but more than that, I want to know some of the nicknames that all of you have given the guys you've dated.

As for me, there's "Dumb Boy"... he was younger than me and very naive.

There's also "The Fat Guy"... I actually really like him and didn't care that he was fat.

As for "Dan Dan the Earring Man"... I left my earrings in his dorm room and never saw them (or him) again. (DDTEM was one of my shorter *cough* one night *cough* relationships.)

So spill...

Join My UNICEF Team... There's an INCENTIVE!

Join my UNICEF Team! I've donated $1,000 to UNICEF and I'm looking for you to match it. That's $5 from 200 people.

The first person to donate $100 gets to be my co-captain.

UPDATE: Mindy Hupp is my Co-Captain!

From my donation alone, the team is #3 right now. Let's give those Clay Aiken fans a run for their money! Show 'em that people who like to shop and charge things have a heart, too!

Here's a link: http://www.unicefusa.org/ert/savekaryn

And here's the INCENTIVE: As many of you know, I've donated the money I received from the initial Save Karyn site to charity. As an ongoing thing, I'm going to challenge YOU to donate the same amount that I've given, hence doubling the amount I was initially given. If this works, together we will have donated about $30,000 to charity. That's something, huh?

Other than the joy you'll receive simply from giving, every time your donations reach $1,000, I will track down one of the "numbers" on my list—one of my exes or a one-night-stand (not that I've that many one-night-stands...hee hee)—like the main character in my new book does, and write about it. Why would I do something like this? Well, I was thinking about doing something like this anyway as a fun promotion for the new book, but then I thought why not make you work for it and why not tie it to a good cause? This is what life is. We're here to help each other, we're here to inspire each other, and we're here to laugh—aren't we?

For those of you who don't know, the main character in my book 20 Times a Lady is freaked out upon realizing that she's had sex with 20 men, so she tracks down all of her exes with the hopes of settling down with the best of the bunch. She doesn't simply call all these guys though, she tracks them down "stalker-style," bumping into them here and there, making it look like a coincidence. Life for example, one of them is in rehab so she checks herself in—get it?

I realize that not everyone cares about my love life, and I also want to make it clear that I am NOT A STALKER, but I do think there's a certain amount of comedy in me doing ANYTHING because I really am a complete moron.

So the challenge is on. I've donated $1,000 to UNICEF. Match it, get personal joy from giving to people who need it, then get more joy/laughter/pity/insert your own word here watching me track down an ex. All we need is 200 people to give $5. C'mon... open those pockets. You did for me once... do it for UNICEF... do it for YOU.

One Classy Broad

So, I've been scanning photos to put into a fun slide show for my MySpace page, and I ran across what is probably one of my favorites of all times. I was the maid of honor in my best friend Naomi's wedding. The reception got a little wild, and the photographer was really able to capture it...


See those legs in the air in the background? Yeah, those are mine.

Four words for you: I'm. A. Class. Act.

Yes, I am.

Overheard in New York

I just had my very own Overheard in New York moment, only I'm not going to submit it because I keep hearing how the Overheard in New York moments are fabricated. Here it is...


Crazy Person 1: I have a steel plate in my head, you wanna know why? From feeding stray cats.
Crazy Person 2: Wow... that sucks.

--Wyckoff Street b/w Smith & Court (Cobble Hill, Brooklyn)


I suppose it's not as funny reading this as it was for me hearing it and seeing it (the woman had like 100 buttons on her shirt like she worked at T.G.I. Fridays and was wearing a crooked baseball cap.) I'm pissed I didn't have my camera with me because I would've taken her picture. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have, because that would be kind of mean, wouldn't it? But she didn't seem homeless, just crazy, so maybe not. But I suppose mental illness is nothing to make fun of either. Gosh, being politically correct takes all the fun out of things, doesn't it?

She waved to Beverly (or as she's now being called by all my friends, "Yorkie Vagina." "How's Yorkie Vagina?" they all ask. Or they call and leave messages, "Hey, just wonderin' how Bev's jy-nie is..." See post below for details.) as we walked by.

Okay, that's it. Bye for now.

If You Happened to Be in SoHo Yesterday...

I have a totally gross story.

A TOTALLY gross story.

Like if you get grossed out easily, STOP READING.

My dog Beverly was sitting on the couch yesterday, doing her thing. And by "doing her thing" I mean licking her thing. She was cleaning up down there... you know what I'm saying?

When she was done, she looked up at me, all scraggly-faced. Yes, she had done some serious spring cleaning down there and had the wet face to prove it. To show you what I mean, here's a photo of her that was taken on a different day, right after she drank a bunch of water:

And a close-up:

She looked pretty much the same way yesterday right after cleaning her thing.

So now flash forward thirty minutes or so. I had to run an errand so I was on Broadway in SoHo, heading south. Bev was with me, sitting in her bag. (There are too many people on the street for her to walk. She gets freaked out.) Here's a photo of her in her bag, taken on a different day. Her head kind of hangs out of it.


Okay, enter a woman. A woman who likes puppies. A LOT. A woman who likes puppies so much, in fact, that she allows them to kiss her on the face.

Everything happened so fast... One second this woman was like, "Oh, you're so cute!" and the next second she was bending down, putting her face up to Beverly's, letting Bev lick her. I didn't even have a chance to pull the bag away.

When the woman eventually stood back up, I just stared at her for a bit with my mouth slightly ajar. I didn't know what to say—I was speechless—but all I was thinking was, You poor thing... you have Yorkie vagina all over your face and you don't even know it.

I told you to stop reading if you get grossed out easily.

There's a reason I'm sharing this story with you. There's a lesson here. In fact, this post should be required reading in schools all across America. This post should be published on page one of The New York Times.

DON'T EVER LET A STRANGE DOG LICK YOU ON THE FACE.

I don't care how cute it is.

It may have recently licked its vagina.

To the woman in SoHo yesterday who became intimate with my Yorkie (you were walking on the east side of Broadway, heading north toward Houston around 6pm), if you're reading this, the next time you feel inclined to walk up to a strange dog and let it lick your face, you might want to ask the owner if it's okay first. I would've said no.

UPDATE: This post was linked on Gawker. Thanks!

Bottle o' Bubbly

Aaaaahhhhhh... relief.

It's a hot day in NYC and I just received a bottle of champagne (good stuff, too! Veuve Clicquot) from Transworld, my UK publisher, to celebrate publication. It's chilling right now and I'm going to crack it open later today!

THANKS!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my blogging friends, the people who read this blog, my website & my MySpace page. All the postings that say, "I went to the store tonight to get your book because I couldn't wait," make me so happy. THANK YOU! Everyone is so nice! It brings tears to my eyes, seriously.

Tell me the names of the stores that say they don't have the book, particularly the bigger ones, and the cities and states they're in, so I can tell someone at HarperCollins. Then maybe they'll call the bookstore and be like, "People want the book, see? Buy some! Buy some!" My Barnes & Noble today had them, and another in Manhattan near Union Square had them, so that's good. It will HOPEFULLY be in Target stores in September. The books there run on cycles so that's the earliest they would carry it.

XXXXX, Karyn

Are you 20 Times a Lady? Take the Quiz!

How cute is this? It's a quiz on my UK publisher's site. Are you twenty times a lady? Click here to take the quiz and find out!

It's available! It's available! 20 Times a Lady is available!

It's out! It's available! I'm out of breath from telling so many people! Run to your local bookstores and buy a copy! Or better yet, buy TWO copies from Amazon - one for yourself and one for your best friend! Or even better yet, buy a copy for yourself and for all the men or women you've ever slept with! Hurry! Hurry! Make sure you get your copy! They didn't print that many and are likely to run out soon!

OMG... so my DAD is visiting right now from Arizona. AND he's reading the book in front of me. It's one thing for him to read a book that I wrote about a girl who's EASY while he's living away from me in Arizona. It's another to watch his expressions while he's reading it sitting three feet away from me. Hopefully he'll be gone by the time he gets to the guy with the uncircumcised penis.

Anyway, if you've already read the book and like it, please, please, please leave a nice review on Amazon for me. If you already read the book and didn't like it, then keep your opinion to yourself and have a nice day!

Coming soon, like in the next hour... THE LUSTY LOWDOWN... POLLS ABOUT SEX & ROMANCE! STAY TUNED!

Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest Winner - Week 3

Something Fishy in California
I've been a single mom since the 80s and have always lived on my own with my two girls. In 1994, however, I met a guy and we hit it off quickly. After about two weeks, he tried to convince me to move in with him, but I said no because I loved my little rental. It had a garage, a fireplace, an adorable kitchen—it was perfect. After three months of begging, however, he FINALLY convinced me, so after making sure that this was *forever* and not just a *roommate* kind of thing, I sold all of my furniture so my girls and I could fit into his 3-bedroom house. In addition to this, I spent $500 remodeling his bathroom and kitchen, and, the week after I moved in, I also charged a deep-sea fishing trip to the coast. (We caught a LOT of fish.)

Life was good for about two months, but then I started getting vibes that he was up to no good. He was so paranoid about things, like he'd ask, "Did you move my jacket in my closet?" or, "Have you been looking through my dresser drawers?" I of course said no, but the truth is that I had just read an article in a magazine about a lady who had written little love notes to her husband every day and stuck them in various places so that he'd find them when he'd least expect it. After she died, he would still find little love notes in the oddest places, months and even years later. I thought this was so cool so I wrote lots of little notes, too, and started placing them in boots he never wore, an old jacket pocket, under the fish in the freezer, etc. They were just little "I Love Yous" to show him that I cared, you know?

Well, his paranoia started getting annoying——it was like he was accusing me of snooping. After about a week, the truth came out. I noticed that he started going to karate three times a week and would come home smelling like perfume. So one night, I showed up at his karate class, and wouldn't you know it, he wasn't there! When he got home later that evening I confronted him about everything and he denied, denied, denied. When I told him that I was going to move out unless he told me the truth, he finally admitted that he'd been sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Then he had the nerve to say, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you."

Damn it... why couldn't this loser have figured this out BEFORE I sold all my furniture, gave up my little house, and uprooted my kids? Never again.

I found a place in two days and moved out... but not before getting my revenge. I told him that I preferred that he didn't hang around while I moved my stuff out because it "hurt too much," so he left me alone in the house for a weekend. After I got everything done, I left him a little surprise for when he got home on Sunday evening. Remember the nice batch of fish we caught? I put a few of them under the waterbed mattress and turned it up full-heat. Then I found all my little love notes and replaced them with ones that said "I hate you," and, "You're a cheater." A week later I drove by and saw his waterbed lying in front lawn, getting aired-out. LMAO.

Serves him right.

I heard through he grapevine that the nasty fish smell stayed in EVERYTHING he owned for weeks—even months. You know what they say about a woman scorned...

New Support Group

Everyone, I have a confession to make. While looking through old pictures the other night, I ran across one that I found to be incredibly disturbing and have been contemplating sharing with you ever since. It's not an easy thing for me to do, but after giving it some careful thought, I've decided to come clean. Before doing so, however, I have to make an announcement. Okay, here goes...

I, Karyn Bosnak, was an ugly baby. (Cue Psycho music here.)


Yes, I know. Frightening, isn't it? I look like a hairy man-child. Click on it, make it bigger, really get a good look at the horror.

I thankfully straightened out by the time I was two years old or so ->, but there's no doubt in my mind that being an ugly baby scarred me in some way. Because of this, I'd like to start a support group for ugly babies everywhere. If you were an ugly baby and would like to be a member, please e-mail your name and ugly baby picture to me at mail [at] prettyinthecity.com. I'll add the pictures to this post as I get them. Thank you, and.... UGLY BABIES EVERYWHERE UNITE!



UPDATE: Ugly toddlers are welcome, too—we don't discriminate.

---

NEW MEMBER ADDED 6/23/06:

I, Karin McA*****, have a confession to make.. I was an ugly baby. This story, as told by my father, is quite sad. I was born in one hour. Yes, I couldn't wait to be shot out of my mother. Because of this fast entrance into the world, my face was smashed on the way out -- everything was flat and swollen. My father looked on in horror, praying that I'd have brains because he was afraid I wouldn't get anywhere in life with my looks. (Lovely what a father says about his daughter.) Luckily for me, after a few months, everything filled out. So here it is -- the ugly smashed Baby Karin. ENJOY!


The one time ugly duckling,
Karin McA*****

An Open Letter to Dateline NBC

Dear Dateline,

By now I'm pretty sure that everyone in America knows about internet predators prowlng through the world of MySpace, luring pre-teens away from the safety of their homes. With that said, please, please, PLEASE find another news story to report on. Seriously, unless you plan to officially change your name from "Dateline" to "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" - NO MORE PERVERT SHOWS.

I don't mean to sound insensitive—I realize that these creeps need to be stopped and that parents need to monitor their children's internet usage—but I realized that last week when you ran the same show, and the week before that when you ran the same show, and the week before that when you ran the same show. Catching child predators was an explosive story when you first reported on it, but since you've now run 87 or so shows on the topic, it's kind of old news. ENOUGH ALREADY. Enough, enough, enough, enough, ENOUGH.

Say what you want about Britney Spears' air quotes, loose false eyelashes and gum-chewing—I was THRILLED to see her mug flash across my TV screen last week. I'd take her talking about her "boos" any day of the week over watching another internet predator show. Anything to break up the monotony, really.

Sincerely,

A frustrated Dateline fan

Last Comic Standing

My friend Rebecca Corry is a finalist on Last Comic Standing. We were friends when we both lived in Chicago. She's super-funny and lives in LA now. LCS is on tonight on NBC, so make sure you watch! AND VOTE FOR HER IF WHEN SHE MAKES IT TO THE END!

Meanwhile... enjoy this picture of the two of us back in the day. (My make-up, my hair...yikes! THIS WAS ALMOST NINE YEARS AGO... DON'T MAKE FUN!)

PS - I also added a picture of my friend Brian and I from back in the day to the post below about The Color Purple. I look more normal in that one.